THE TALON

Only ’90s Kids Remember Smart Boards

Promethean Boards have taken over.

Confused+children%2C+Jared+Lipton+and+Sarah+Norman%2C+next+to+the+newfangled+Promethean+Board.
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Only ’90s Kids Remember Smart Boards

Confused children, Jared Lipton and Sarah Norman, next to the newfangled Promethean Board.

Confused children, Jared Lipton and Sarah Norman, next to the newfangled Promethean Board.

Confused children, Jared Lipton and Sarah Norman, next to the newfangled Promethean Board.

Confused children, Jared Lipton and Sarah Norman, next to the newfangled Promethean Board.

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As the Smart Board was carried out of the classroom so was my childhood.  Created in 1991, I was not introduced to this classroom staple until I entered kindergarten in the glorious year of 2005.  I remember being amazed by the technological superiority of this pinnacle of human ingenuity, and when my teacher let me play on it, I very nearly hacked into the Russian government.  One simply cannot do this with a run-of-the-mill whiteboard.

I very nearly hacked into the Russian government”

Now, Promethean Boards have asserted their dominance.  They are advertised as “the ultimate classroom display experience” on their website, which also includes a map of their global office locations – one of which is in Moscow, Russia (coincidence? I think not).  Appearing to be a gigantic flat-screen TV, I am 80% certain that it’s actually a government spying device.  The style is eerily similar to that of “telescreens”, a device in George Orwell’s novel “1984”, which Big Brother used to spy on civilians.  While Smart Boards have an innocent and unassuming look, the Promethean Boards appear to be, for all intents and purposes, government-grade cutting-edge ultra mega deluxe learning machines.

While this newfangled technology certainly has its advantages, among them being a plethora of colors that one can use to make beautiful artwork worthy of the Louvre, some of its assets are a double-edged sword.  For example, the high resolution certainly makes things clearer, but it also means one can see “every follicle of hair in Carl Azuz’s receding hairline” (in the words of Stuart Philp) when simply trying to watch CNN Student News.  This is very hazardous for children who merely want to catch up on the day’s news.

Upon further studying the Promethean, I am thoroughly convinced it can shoot lasers.  As the name implies, it may also be able to harness fire.”

With the astounding technology of the Promethean Board, I never know if my teacher is pulling up her lesson plans or accessing the nuclear codes.  Upon further studying the Promethean, I am thoroughly convinced it can shoot lasers.  As the name implies, it may also be able to harness fire.  While the mystery and power of this machine is certainly riveting, I would like to occasionally take a casual nap without the threat of extermination via Promethean Board.  While utter annihilation is sometimes appealing to me, I miss the simple and carefree days of the Smart Board.

 

 

 

 

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