Aly Nida: The Man, the Myth, the Legend

Delve into the unique world of senior Aly Nida


Aly poses with her box of doughnuts she bought at school

You’ve seen her carrying a Monster on her way to class in the morning. You never know what’s going to come out of her mouth, or who she’s planning to fight in a Denny’s parking lot at 3am (she still won’t tell us who it was), but senior Aly Nida provides an entertaining story for every occasion. For those of you who haven’t had an Aly Nida experience, I hope this article can give you a glimpse into the wild mind of this senior student.

Describe yourself to the people of Magnet
Aly: “I like lasers. That’s my personality.”

I have early onset osteoporosis

— Aly Nida

How would you describe your viewpoint of the world?
A: “Tumultuous. Disconcerting. A bit nauseating. Well I had the stomach flu a few days ago.”

Victoria Waterfield: “I have a way to describe Aly. Her bones are crunchy.”

A: “That might have been a design flaw. I have early onset osteoporosis.”

Give us one interesting fact about yourself
A: “When I was 4 years old, I consumed an entire glow stick. When I was 3, I chipped my tooth on a sunbathing chair because I was chasing my dads cat with a sock. I think it was a sock.

Also, I have 2-3 siblings depending on how you measure it. That’s critical.”

If you could fight one person right now, who would it be?
A: “I would select my kindergarten teacher because if the kindergartners are present, I can use them as meat shields.”

Why did you choose your teacher?

A: “She put me in the only timeout I’ve ever had and it wasn’t even my fault.” At this point, Aly was slamming her fists on the table. “This one girl hit my paper and I was punished for being the victim. I’m convinced that this moment solidified my sense of justice.”

Is there anyone else you would choose?

A: “I would also choose the Earl of Sandwich.” The bell rang so we never knew the reasoning for this.

What is your most prized possession?
A: “I’d have to look up some statutes of limitations, but for now I’ll say my telescope. It lets me see some cool stars bruh.”

You’ve been known to drink energy drinks in the morning for breakfast. Explain the benefits (or consequences) of doing this.
A: “See here’s the thing about my habits….[the drinks] don’t taste good. I can feel my teeth dissolving. However, my brain wants to go fast. The hardest choices require the strongest wills.

I plan [what I drink] ahead of time. I end up really cranky during 3rd period though and pass out during focus. The purple flavor is the worst. They’ll know what that means.”

Fact: I can eat precisely 17 chicken nuggets before puking. The 18th is the kicker.

— Aly Nida

What is the strangest food combination you’ve eaten?
A: “Define food.” Our definition of food was provided (food is anything that is willingly consumed).

A: “I dipped apple slices in mayo once. I’ve also put wasabi sauce on a piece of cake. Fact: I can eat precisely 17 chicken nuggets before puking. The 18th is the kicker.”

Anthony Joyce: “I would say hot sauce and barbecue chips *in reference to what we’ve seen Aly eat*.” This is a classic Aly combination.

Victoria Waterfield: “I try to avoid watching Aly eat.”

A: “So does Aly.”

Please enlighten us on your theory of “nut or meat”
A: “I, being the genius that I am, have devised a new system of classification of any known object in the universe. Everything in the universe is either a nut or a meat. I do not accept constructive criticism.”

Give us some examples.

A: “For example this water bottle *points to my water bottle*. At first glance, one might think it’s a nut, but it is actually a meat.”

Victoria: “Can you expand on that thought process?”

A: “No.”

For those who may be confused by this theory, we are still trying to figure out the requirements for what makes something a nut or a meat, or why these two things were chosen as the only classifications in the first place. Several lunch periods have been spent arguing as to what should be a nut or meat, but in the end, Aly is the only one who can truly decide what is a nut or meat.