How One Squirrel Ruined My Entire Day

I think I’m cursed now???


Whitney Knotts, Staff Writer

I woke up to the sun blaring in my eyes. I had not closed my blackout curtains the night before. I was too distracted with an enchanting “group FaceTime” call with members of AMHS’s senior class, Karoline Surdyk and Felix von Asten. I usually opt to sleep in on Sundays (“sleeping in” as in until 9:00 am, I’m a self proclaimed morning person by nature, after all). My day began promptly at 7:15, and I realized it would be nearly impossible to fall back asleep. After scrolling through TikTok for about 45 minutes,  I decided I would go on a run. This is where things really started to fall apart (yes, that was an Okonkwo reference). On said run I saw a squirrel, not just any squirrel but a ~black squirrel~ (they are apparently 1/10,000). My dad proclaims, “Whitney! That’s a sign of good luck.” Oh boy, was he wrong.

In just the 5 minutes after seeing the bad omen mammal I had realized the trail I had wanted to run on was closed. I hastily agreed to take an alternative route, but on my new route I lost my footing and tripped. Not only was this a hit to my dignity, but it also hurt. “How could the squirrel be lucky if all of this happened after my initial greeting with the creature,” I wondered. Little did I know this was just the beginning. I looked at my calendar. “Work from 12:15-5:00,” it said. I was not overjoyed at the thought of pushing a monotonous, grey folding cart around an Old Navy Store for 5 hours. I left for work in plenty of time, but being the mindless being I am, I missed my exit. Rushed, I sped around the twists and turns of Mount Pleasant being stopped at every traffic light in my path. I made it to work one minute late (or little did I know, 5 hours early). Shortly after entering my place of work my manager informed me that my shift was not at 12:15, it was at 5:00 pm. Upset, discouraged, and honestly infuriated, I stormed to my car. “All of that stress and driving for nothing,” I thought. I just wanted some comfort food (fries to be exact). In an attempt to get in the drive thru line for Cane’s I was blocked by a queue of over a dozen cars extending down the road. I couldn’t get in the line, I just couldn’t. I returned home to work on some AP Research source sheets but only to go to where I had just been a few hours prior. It was work time, for real this time. My manager informed me that it was an “inventory night” which essentially meant scanning and counting every single piece of clothing in the 15,000 square foot store. “But Whitney, what happens if you miscount something?” you may ask. You start all over! Anyways, after 2.5 hours of scanning items I could not reach, my arms began convulsing while outstretched. It’s break time. Now this is what I would like to call the climax of the story. I was eating spicy chips, and suddenly I began choking. Maybe it was on the pure heat of the chips or the chips themself, but regardless I needed something to drink, and I needed it FAST. I reached in my bag for my Sprite Zero, but much to my demise it exploded all over me, my jeans, and my leather shoes. Woah. Now when I tell you it exploded I mean it became a volcano as my life flashed before my eyes. I sat there in shock with wet jeans in a wet chair. It looked as if I did not know where the restroom was located. Oh well. I stood in front of a fan in an attempt to get some sort of relief from my plaguing pants problems. Nothing worked. I decided to cheer myself up with candy from a communal bowl in the break-room. After grabbing and eating a fun size Milky Way bar I realized that it has gluten in it, and I CANNOT eat gluten because of a medical disease. Well, I’m fine…for now. I ended the night off with a meditation to remove bad luck and curses. It seemed to work from what I can tell so far, but this is a cautionary tale. Be weary of the critters you encounter everyday because you never know if they may hex you and you’ll end up doing inventory at Old Navy until the long hours of the night.