How to Pretend You Understand Football

Never be confused at a game again

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Don’t mess up like these cake people did

Samantha Kramer, Staff Writer

You hear the crowd cheering and there’s you, looking confused while all your friends are going crazy. What just happened? Was it good or bad? How do you know when to cheer or boo? Here’s how.

1. Find someone who understands football and mimic their actions. Literally mimic them. If they cheer, you cheer. If they boo, you boo. If they go buy a hot dog, you follow them and buy a hot dog too. Just don’t seem too creepy about it.

2. Learn basic football terms. If you’re confused, just yell touchdown really loud. It should work in some context. If people complain that you shouted touchdown when there was a penalty or something, just explain you were hoping for a touchdown and are boosting the team’s spirits. Then your friends will think you’re some football wizard and respect you.

3. Know the words. Touchdown=good. First down=good too. Penalty=bad

Use these words in conversations, but use them quickly if you don’t know what they mean. That way if you mess up a term, you’ll be too quick for your friends to notice your weakness.

4. If you know enough to start a conversation, you can fake it well. Even just a basic “How about that game?” can get your football friends talking. Also, remember one important thing that happened during the game and use that as your conversation focus. Don’t go into too much detail in your conversations, or else you might make a fool out of yourself and then your friends will know your true secret: you don’t understand football.

5. Remember the score. Know if your team won or lost that way you know how to react after the game. I cannot repeat this enough. Knowing the score is important.

 

If you follow these basic rules, you’ll be sure to look like you know football. You’ll never feel confused again at a game and trick all your friends.