The Talon Bachelor: Article 1

A group of Raptors find love.

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Send us suggestions for group date ideas!

As a wise woman once said, modern problems require modern solutions. It’s 2019, and many high schoolers struggle every day to find love. No longer do we live in the days of casual movie dates or one-off dinner dates. It’s rare that a flirtatious encounter between a male and female (or a male and male or a female and female) happens face to face. Instead, modern dating often involves online platforms and methods for meeting new people. Fellow raptor Simone Kavarana and I have decided to make a Talon Bachelor, based on the hit ABC show, to discover Magnet’s newest power couple. Here’s how we did it.

Romantic is my middle name. I love going out of my way for someone that I love; serenading them or buying them chocolates or flowers are just a few examples.”

— Anonymous Senior Girl #1

The Setup

First, we needed to find our bachelor. Looking for a charismatic Raptor who was willing to dedicate a few lunches per week,  we created a google form to send to worthy candidates. Likely contenders included Thomas Crowley, Sam Carson, Jack Levenson, Christian Axenborg, Jack Dillard, and Nick Patterson. While each applicant was certainly qualified, we were starstruck to see AMHS celebrity Collin Brientnall agree to the role. Known for his popular content on Tik Tok, senior Sloane Stoklosa mused that “It’s an honor to be breathing the same air as him. I’m simply impressed with his content.”

Next, we created an application for the bachelorette hopefuls. Applications could be found in every stall of all the women’s restrooms. What’s better than pondering the efficacy of love in the middle of third block?

The application consisted of three important questions: Have you ever been in love? Would you give up lunch periods for the bachelor? Are you a romantic person? After reviewing the application, we found some highlights. In response to “Are you romantic:”

“I’m big on long phone calls, letters, and cards” – Anonymous Senior Girl

“yes, I flirt with everyone” – Anonymous Freshman Girl

“Yes. Romantic is my middle name. I love going out of my way for someone that I love; serenading them or buying them chocolates or flowers are just a few examples.” – Anonymous Senior Girl #1

“Yes- currently already in love with Collin and clearly surpassing all other candidates to make an appearance on the talon bachelor” – Anonymous Senior Girl #2

Though we can’t reveal names for privacy and secrecy reasons just yet, we advise all other contestants to keep an eye on Anonymous Senior #2, who clearly has her heart (and eyes) set on the prize.

As for the Anonymous Freshman Girl who “flirts with everyone”, please refer to The Talon Bachelor rules at the end of the article and make sure you are not violating them.

As it can be clearly seen, the competition is shaping up to be stiff. Careful analysis of responses led Simone and I to choose the following girls for the competition: Ella Lesesne (12), Dakota Hasty (9), Chandler Grace Ghegan (9), Emma Heeke (12), Rachel Ackerman (11), Garret Griffin (9), and Bailey Hillen (12).

The Goal

Ideally, the winner will go to Semi with Collin. We can’t promise that though. Instead, we hope that each contestant keeps an open mind throughout the process. The idea is not to let past experiences haze the potential love on the horizon, but rather to embrace is as a learning experience. Love is possible, but not at first sight.

 

The Rules

Most teenage females who breathe air pretty much know how the bachelor works, but for those of you who are unfamiliar with the reality show, here’s a brief rundown:

There is one male bachelor, looking for a soulmate. (On the show, the lucky chosen girl is proposed to, however still being at a ripe high school age, we did not want to put the pressures of marriage on our contestants).

The girls and the bachelor go on both group dates, and single dates which can include but are not limited to, exotic locations and romantic dinners. (For us, it will be exotic trips to the rotunda and sun-lit lunches in the courtyard). At the end of each week the bachelor hands out roses. Whichever girls receive a rose are safe, and the one(s) who don’t are sadly booted off.

We plan to have our eliminations on the Talon Bachelor be light-hearted and with good intent only. No feelings will be hurt in the making of this.

 

Some rules and regulations for the girls:

  • Do not bribe Mr. Brientnall with money or promises

  • No foul words to the other contestants (unless we are present and ready to record)

  • Be available for your call times for dates with Collin

  • Do not and we repeat DO NOT have outside relationships. Cheaters never win.

  • Be camera ready, not camera shy

  • Keep the news and what goes on hush hush until it is aired to the public

If those rules are closely followed, we should have nothing but a fun and interesting season ahead of us! Go Raptors!