New year, new you, new drama, love is in the air at AMHS. With the start of the school year comes chaos, crying, and crushes, the perfect storm to make sparks fly. Being facilitators of mayhem, we at the Talon have taken it upon ourselves to ensure that should your ship sink, there’s room on the door for the both of you.
The Method:
Due to years of traumatic incidents involving research paper formats and accidentally spelling protein as “protien” several times too many in freshman biology (if you know you know), we feel the need to justify our research method. In order to make these matches we first categorized our matchmaking survey results into participants who wanted to be matched with a date and those who wished to be matched with a friend. This article pertains to the date requests while the subsequent article will involve friendships. Next, we took into account the grade of the participant as well as the grade level they would prefer to be matched with. We then further categorized based on the gender the participant preferred to be matched with. Once these categories were created we cross referenced interests, social tendencies, hobbies, and preferred methods of communication to form the most compatible matches possible which are as follows.
Side Note:
According to my AP Research teacher, admitting to your mistakes is an important part of increasing the credibility of a study, therefore as we seem to be writing this in an oddly formal manner an explanation of some abnormalities is in order. After writing this article we were informed that despite the information in our survey being freely provided to us by the source, it was still necessary to directly ask for permission to include the participant in our article. In order to gain this permission an email was sent out asking those who did not wish to be named in the article to indicate their preference. Due to the results of this email, some of the participants’ names have been redacted from the article. If any writers intend to produce a new version of this article in the Talon down the road we recommend including a question in the initial survey indicating that the results may be used in the Talon. Personally, I think it’s kind of funny to have some names redacted for the purpose of intrigue and mystery, but it definitely adds a layer of complication for all involved. Now back to the regularly scheduled programming, let’s make some matches.
Bea McCrary (10) and [Redacted} (10):
Bea and [Redacted} are the ultimate introverted duo, which means their first date will probably involve sitting on the couch, crafting, reading, or playing video games. Bea is quite the artsy girl, she’s into embroidery and pottery, while he is into video games and rap music. Their dates could get pretty messy trying to combine the two opposite aesthetics. Both value honesty, which is perfect because he has never had a girlfriend and might overshare everything on the first date. This couple would have a lot of laughs, a bit of chaos, and a creative and quiet love story.
[Redacted] (9) and [Redacted x2] (9)
[Redacted] and [Redacted x2] might just be the most extroverted couple you will ever meet, despite the former wishing to remain anonymous. Both love being outgoing, so they would probably spend their first date talking and laughing. [Redacted] has a deep love for basketball and track, while [Redacted x2] cheers for AMHS and also dances. Basically this guarantees an athletic competition every time they hang out. [Redacted x2] wants someone at least 5 inches taller, so [Redacted] might have to get some platform shoes just to reach her standards. [Redacted x2] also specifically asked for “NO blonde hair”, and [Redacted]…might be blonde. So their first date could include a trip to the hair salon, which could be a deal breaker or a great bonding experience. Mix [Redacted]’s loyalty and honesty with [Redacted x2] kindness and goofiness, and you have the recipe for a perfect match, if they can find each other.
Emmitt Pulsifer (9) and [Redacted] (9):
Emmitt and [Redacted] might just be the power couple that no one saw coming. First off, they both value humor and think it is key to a good relationship, so chances are they will spend most of their time laughing together at their inside jokes while their friends wonder what’s so funny. [Redacted] is into tennis and soccer, and Emmitt enjoys “playing ball” (which seems vague enough to mean literally any sport including a ball), so between the two of them there will be no shortage of sports equipment lying around. They both prefer to communicate over Snapchat, which means 90% of their communication will be streaks and random selfies – probably starting with pictures of the ceiling or a sliver of their face. While Emmitt said he’d rather date an introvert and [Redacted] wants an extrovert, I strongly believe that opposites attract and this would be a perfect match. Either way, they are both country music enthusiasts and I would recommend line-dancing could be a perfect first date!
Sam Galloway (12) and Kate Taylor (11):
These musicians make a harmonious match. Despite Sam claiming to have submitted, “the most generic answers” to our survey, this was an obvious pairing. These two value humor above all else, which likely will lead to some falling over laughing. They are both guitar players who appreciate many kinds of music including metal and rock. Between loud music and the incessant chatter of two extroverts there will never be a quiet or dull moment. We recommend a first date involving a concert or playing guitar. Maybe these two lovebirds could write a love song to serenade each other.
Maddy Jolly (12) and Luke Williams (12):
There is no denying that Maddy and Luke are an extremely compatible couple. For one they have already been dating for quite some time and no one really knows why they felt the need to fill out this survey. Besides their pre-existing relationship, they have many similarities. They both enjoy listening to Radiohead and the Beetles, prefer to communicate over text, and cite their hobbies as “SPACE.” Luke’s top characteristic he was looking for in a match was “Maddy” and Maddy’s was “Luke.” If the two of you are interested in already being together, please feel free to reach out, we know you have each other’s numbers.
Jack Childers (12) and Addie DeFord (11):
While this may not seem like a typical match that you would see in the halls, Addie and Jack actually matched up in some pretty clear ways. They both want humor and loyalty, so as long as Jack doesn’t clown on Addie’s obsession with Roblox, they will be just fine! Considering they both wanted to be matched with extroverts, putting them together will probably leave us without a moment of silence ever again. Addie lives for eating and sleeping, which is good because those are the basic human functions, Jack has a few more hobbies including cars, fashion, and sports. So a perfect date would be Addie sleeping in the backseat, while Jack drives them to Chick-Fil-A. Jack stated that he listens to “all music”, which we assume would include Addie’s favorite song: the Norris Nuts theme song. Honestly, the biggest worry about this relationship is that they will have too much energy and break the sound barrier.
In conclusion, y’all should date.
Disclaimer: We at the Talon take no responsibility for any heartache or headache these matches may cause. Embark on emotional endeavors at your own risk. Best of luck.
