Male Hair Care for The Hairy Males out There

The solution to the male hair care crisis.


Another casualty in the battle for better hair

     Let’s face it, guys need to learn to take better care of their hair. We’ve all seen the memes about two in one, three in one, and even four in one male hygiene products, however, this issue is about as real as it gets. It deeply concerns me when my peers recall instances in which they used bars of Irish Spring in their hair or nothing but scalding hot water. Trying to find the root of the male hair care crisis may seem difficult at first, but in actuality, the cause is quite simple. Men around the world are blinded by a large misconception: conditioner is for girls and any man who attempts to take care of his hair is simply out of touch with his masculinity. Well, I’m here to tell all those men, you’re wrong. Nothing says “I got a lot of testosterone” like soft hair with the luscious smell of fresh linen sheets. So ditch your supercharged truck for some basic hair care habits to really show your friends, family, and significant other(s) what a man’s man you are. 


Expand your hair care budget 

     Instead of using generic shampoo and conditioner advertised for men, try switching to quality brands targeted towards women. Just because a picture of a lady is on the bottle does not mean it’s forbidden for you to use; I promise the cashier won’t judge you. While it may be difficult to sort through all the products for quality brands, try asking what your mom or sister uses, and if that doesn’t work, it’s always a safe bet to go with the brands with pretentious French names. Additionally, if your hair is curly at all, I advise using sulfate free products. I understand it may be difficult to justify increased spending during a national financial crisis, but on the bright side, CVS always has sales and their receipts are long enough to be folded into two ply. 


Leave it in!

     Raised in a society that failed to inform me on how to wash my hair, I did not know until I was 16 that shampoo and conditioner had to sit in my hair before I washed it out. I know, this may be shocking, but it’s true. Putting shampoo on the top of your head and immediately rinsing it out does little to nothing. Now you may be thinking “Andrew, how long do I have to leave that crap in my hair?” and unfortunately, scientists still don’t know. Personally, I like to leave the conditioner in my hair for the duration of one song on my shower playlist. Don’t worry, the Spotify link is attached to this article. 

Pro tip: don’t close your eyes for too long when you wash product out or the shower demons will get you. 


Weekly routine 

     One of the largest issues that most men have when it comes to cleaning their hair is when to use conditioner and when to use shampoo. The greatest information I can provide for you is as follows: you don’t have to use shampoo every night. Most of you will argue with me on this one but hear me out. At least try switching to shampoo only twice a week or even every other day. Instead, use a conditioner every night and really lather it in for a deep clean. This concept of an altered hair cleansing schedule may frighten you but I implore you to try it. Now, I know some of you struggle with oily  hair and fear that you need shampoo to prevent yourself from looking like a greaser, but the oil build up you experience is probably the result of the product you put in your hair after you shower. Try switching to some natural products instead of that petroleum jelly-goop that Axe sells. 


     I know that these times may be scary but I hope I can help make hair care the least scary part of it. In reality, this is the perfect time to work on your hair. Nobody will see you if it looks horrible and you’ll come back to school next year lookin like 1200 dollars. And, if the world is ending, at least you’ll be fresh for the rapture. I write my last article as a gift for Academic Magnet in hopes that my predecessors will adopt my passion for healthier hair. However, I am skeptical as our rising seniors are shaving their heads and somehow mullets became trendy again this year. That being said, if you didn’t read any of my other articles, I’m glad you at least read this one.