Some will say I know ball. Others will say my knowledge is pretty extensive. Nikos Paraschos will tell you I’m a casual with the worst takes known to mankind. Either way, here are my 2023-2024 NFL Season predictions. The Jaguars and 49ers will face off in Super Bowl 58. The coin toss will result in tails. The Gatorade color will be purple. The Jaguars will beat the 49ers 38-37 after CJ Beatherd replaces an injured Trevor Lawrence and makes a 99-yard drive in under 2 minutes with 1 timeout.

Divisions and Records

AFC

AFC East

1. Miami Dolphins 13-4

This Miami offense is absolutely electric. With Tyreek Hill, Jaylen Waddle, Devon Achane, and Raheem Mostert all boasting 40-yard dash times under 4.4 seconds, Miami can absolutely FLY. With a borderline top-ten quarterback in Tua Tagovailoa and an offensive mastermind for a head coach in Mike McDaniel, this offense is easily a top-three offense in the NFL. While the defense is rather below average, other offenses still have to keep up with Miami making them my easy choice for first in the AFC East.

2. Buffalo Bills 11-6

While they struggled heavily against a mediocre Jets team, expect Josh Allen and company to bounce back almost immediately. Their defense is still strong despite a few key losses including Tremaine Edmunds. The Bills have a solid offensive line and have a top QB/WR duo in Allen and Diggs.

3. New England Patriots 10-7

This will come off as a biased take, but this Patriots team is better than ninety percent of NFL fans think. A top-five defense last year, New England only got stronger with the additions of Marte Mapu, Christian Gonzalez, and Keion White. The biggest addition this offseason was Bill O’Brien. BOB is a seasoned NFL and college HC/OC. With the addition of a viable offensive scheme, Mac Jones has looked heavily improved this season and continues to get better. This team is only lacking a big name/playmaking WR and such an addition could cause trouble.

4. New York Jets 5-12

Zach Wilson is absolutely HORRIBLE. Easily the worst starting quarterback in the NFL and it is not close. The offensive line is also a bottom-five group making things even worse. While the secondary and receiving core are pretty solid, the loss of Aaron Rodgers has set this team back miles.

AFC North

1. Cleveland Browns 12-4-1

While this prediction was made before the Nick Chubb injury, I still believe in this Cleveland team. Backed by a very good defense including the first man to use a helmet as a weapon. Miles Garrett and Zadarius Smith will be a problem off the edge to many opposing quarterbacks, as well as Denzel Ward’s speed and coverage skills. I fully believe in Deshaun Watson and expect a bounce-back season for him. Cleveland has an elite wideout in Amari Cooper and David Njoku is a viable safety blanket at tight end. The tie comes in week 18 against the Bengals. If this ends up happening I will immediately buy a lottery ticket.

2. Cincinatti Bengals 11-5-1

Like the Bills, this team has started out rather slow, but expect Joe Shiesty and Jamar Chase to start heating up. The Bengals arguably have the best receiver group in Jamarr Chase, Tee Higgins, and Tyler Boyd. While he continues to have off-the-field issues, Joe Mixon should pick up as a reliable workhorse running back. The biggest question for this team is the offensive line and defense, but with the loss of Eli Apple, their secondary seems to have improved.

3. Baltimore Ravens 9-8

I have thoroughly prepared myself to take so much heat for this one, but I think this Ravens team will struggle. Lamar Jackson, Mark Andrews, Rashod Bateman, and Odell Beckham battle injuries more often than not, and highly touted halfback JK Dobbins is out for the season for the second time in three years with another horrific leg injury. The offensive line isn’t great, the secondary has lost quite a few pieces, and Roquan Smith/Marlon Humphries are the only special players on the defensive slide of the ball. Kyle Hamilton may prove me wrong this season, but we’ll see. Zay Flowers has a very high ceiling and gives them a much better chance offensively. Expect regression this season.

4. Pittsburgh Steelers 6-11

Matt Canada.

AFC South

1. Jacksonville Jaguars 15-2

I may be a little too high on the Jaguars but this offense is so fun. Trevor Lawrence, Travis Etienne, Calvin Ridley, Christian Kirk, and Evan Engram are all exceptional at their positions, and Zay Jones is a very good WR3. While the defense is not as good, it still has a very solid core with players like Foyesade Oluokun, Andre Cisco, Josh Allen, and Devin Lloyd. Expect big things from Doug Peterson’s squad.

2. Indianapolis Colts 8-9

I’ve said this from the start, and I stand by it; Anthony Richardson is by far the best and most talented QB in the most recent draft class. The Colts have an outstanding offensive line and their defense is straight-up nasty. Deforest Buckner, Shaq Leonard, and Kwity Paye lead an angry pass rush. While Richardson does not have the greatest weapons outside of WR Michael Pittman, his ability to extend plays and create for himself makes up for it.

3. Houston Texans 5-12

I like CJ Stroud’s upside, but oh my this team is awful. Dameon Pierce is a good back running behind possibly the worst offensive line in the league. Dalton Schultz is a very solid tight end, but he’ll regress massively without Dak Prescott. The defense lacks experience and overall just is not very good. If Robert Woods is your best WR, you’re doing things incredibly wrong.

4. Tennesee Titans 4-13

Ryan Tannehill is pretty bad, and Will Levis/Malik Willis is possibly even worse. DeAndre Hopkins is still good although a shell of himself, and will serve as a good mentor to promising young WR Treylon Burks. Derrick Henry is still the Mack Truck he is, but I expect some regression. The defense is pretty average, this team has no upside outside of its run defense.

AFC West

1. Kansas City Chiefs 12-5

While the offense looked slow, Patrick Mahomes always finds a way. Travis Kelce is still the best TE in the league. Pacheco proves to be an outstanding back. The trio of Joe Thuney, Creed Humphrey, and Trey Smith is among the best of the league’s interior offensive linemen. The only thing holding back the offense from being the best in the league is the WRs and the offensive tackles. Chris Jones ended his holdout, Nick Bolton is solid, Justin Reid is fast, and L’Jarius Sneed is a solid CB. The defense is well above average but gets the job done. Any team coached by Andy Reid will be successful.

2. Los Angeles Chargers 11-6

Justin Herbert is a dawg and Austin Ekeler is one of the best receiving backs in the league. The trio of Keenan Allen, Mike Williams, and Quintin Johnston is also among the best. Gerald Everett is a reliable target and the offensive line is much improved, however, this defense raises some questions. Joey Bosa and Khalil Mack are an elite edge duo and Derwin James is arguably the best safety in football, but it’s not good outside of that. This team will be a first-round exit at best until Brandon Staley is fired.

3. Denver Broncos 6-11

Russell Wilson is becoming very washed and it has become extremely apparent. Their RBs and WRs are frequently hurt. The only player on that offense I’m a fan of is Greg Dulcich and he’s above average at best. Justin Simmons is very good and Patrick Surtain is elite, but the defense is unexceptional at best. Not even Sean Payton can save this team.

4. Las Vegas Raiders 4-13

Fire Josh McDaniels.

NFC

NFC East

1. Philadelphia Eagles 13-4

Expect Nick Sirianni’s Eagles to pick up where they left off last year. Jalen Hurts is an elite QB with AJ Brown, Devonta Smith, and Dallas Goedert as outstanding targets by his side. The Eagles boast the best offensive line in the NFL and have a stifling defense. Philly is out for blood after last year’s Super Bowl loss.

2. Dallas Cowboys 11-6

This defense is absolutely PHENOMENAL. The only inconsistencies are from the TE and Head Coaching spots. Micah Parsons might be the most versatile player in the league, as well as an absolute nightmare for opposing offensive coordinators. The biggest question this year is whether Dak Prescott is on the hot seat or not, as his level of play is the biggest factor in their success. Dak will succeed in my personal opinion.

3. New York Giants 9-8

Brian Daboll is a top-three head coach in the NFL. Injuries are what can/will hold back this team. Saquon Barkley is no stranger to an IR stint as well as new teammate Darren Waller. The receiving core is also very average as well as injury-prone. The offensive line is very below average, leaving Daniel Jones without much to work with when Saquon is out. The defense is slightly above average, backed by star nose tackle, Dexter Lawrence II.

4. Washington Commanders 7-10

I like this team, but they’re two years away from the playoffs, especially in this division. Sam Howell has shown good flashes of potential and seems to be the QB of the future for the Commanders. Terry McLaurin is an elite primary target, and Jahan Dotson looks to be a very promising young player. The defense looks very good with one of the best defensive line groups in the league including Jonathan Allen, Da’ron Payne, Chase Young, and Montez Sweat. Kamren Curl looks like a future star safety (Nikos he is simply not better than Kyle Dugger). Emmanuel Forbes seems to be an absolute steal at pick 16 and has a bright future ahead.

NFC North

1. Detroit Lions 10-7

Jared Goff is making a strong case to be a fringe top-ten quarterback and leads a very good offense. Amon-Ra St.Brown is borderline elite, and rookie Sam LaPorta looks to be a promising rookie TE. The offensive line is well above average, and the one-two punch of former Bear, David Montgomery, and rookie Jahmyr Gibbs makes their running attack deadly. The biggest question with this team is defense, it’s not very good. Dan Campbell is an elite head coach and will make his first playoff push this year.

2. Green Bay Packers 9-8

The Packers did it again, they let a QB sit behind a vet for multiple years, and Jordan Love looks like the Packers future franchise QB. Aaron Jones and AJ Dillon are a solid RB duo. The WR core is full of rising stars/young guys with potential including Christian Watson, Romeo Doubs, and Jaylen Reed. The Packers have an elite secondary, making their defense overall an outstanding core. I think this offense is too young to make the playoffs this year, but watch out for Matt LaFleur and his squad next season.

3. Minnesota Vikings 7-10

A team with Kirk Cousins, Justin Jefferson, Jordan Addison, and TJ Hockenson would make the playoffs right? HECK NO. This Minnesota defense is possibly one of the worst I have ever watched, and I had to sit through PCA’s 79-40 loss two weeks ago. Unlike the Dolphins, the offense and its scheme are not good enough to make up for the lack of defense and this Vikings team will not sniff the playoffs.

4. Chicago Bears 2-15

I have no comments on this team. I will not waste my precious time on a Justin Fields rant.

NFC South

1. Atlanta Falcons 11-6

Bijan Robinson. Grady Jarrett. Jessie Bates. AJ Terrell. YOUNGHOE KOO!!! This team is FUN. I predicted Desmond Ridder would be the best out of the first five QBs taken in his draft class, and it’s definitely between him and Sam Howell.

2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 10-7

BAKER IS BACK BABY!!!!!!! This team still has an elite receiving core and a solid workhorse back in Raschaad White

3. New Orleans Saints 9-8

Derek Carr seems to be declining and this division seems more competitive than expected. Chris Olave is a fringe top-ten WR and that’s about all the firepower this offense has outside of the occasional Rashid Shaheed deep ball. Alvin Kamara is declining and is still dealing with legal issues. Their defense is good and that’s what made me decide on a winning record for this team.

4. Carolina Panthers 3-14

Bryce Young has not looked good at all. This offense is mediocre as a whole and I’m being generous. The defense is halfway decent but Jaycee Horn can not figure out how to stay healthy and half of the defense is aging. I’m not confident in this team’s future.

NFC West

1. San Francisco 49ers 15-2

Mr.Irrelevent is back and looking fully healed from his UCL injury in the playoffs. Reigning DPOY Nick Bosa is back and is head hunting alongside mammoth linebackers Fred Warner and Dre Greenlaw. The offense holds the best running back in Christian McCaffery and left tackle in Trent Williams. George Kittle is one of if not the best all-around tight end. Brandon Aiyuk is poised for his breakout season. This entire team is elite and their 15 wins will show it.

2. Los Angeles Rams 10-7

Originally I thought this team would be awful, but the wise prophet Puka Nacua has spoken to me.

3. Seattle Seahawks 9-8

The WR core is elite, the defensive backs are very young but good, Kenneth Walker is a promising back, and Geno Smith looks to be a very good game manager. Pete Caroll is still elite but my main concern with this team starts in the trenches. I am not impressed with their offensive or defensive line. They’ll barely miss the playoffs.

4. Arizona Cardinals 0-17

While I have this team not winning a game this year, this team will be nowhere near as bad as the winless 2017 Browns. Every game this Cardinals team will play will be close and their biggest losses will be by three scores or less. This team has grit but lacks the depth, coaching, and star power to pull out a win. Caleb Williams, YOU are an Arizona Cardinal.

Playoff Predictions

Seeding

AFC

1. Jacksonville Jaguars
2. Miami Dolphins
3. Cleveland Browns
4. Kansas City Chiefs
5. Cincinnati Bengals
6. Buffalo Bills
7. Los Angeles Chargers

NFC

1. San Francisco 49ers
2. Philadelphia Eagles
3. Atlanta Falcons
4. Detroit Lions
5. Dallas Cowboys
6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
7. Los Angeles Rams

Wild Card Round

AFC

Dolphins beat Chargers

Bills upset Cleveland

Bengals upset Chiefs

NFC

Eagles beat Rams

Buccaneers upset Falcons

Cowboys beat Lions

Divisional Round

AFC

Jaguars beat Bills

Bengals upset Dolphins

NFC

49ers beat Buccaneers

Cowboys upset Eagles

AFC/NFC Championship

The Jaguars beat the Bengals on a last-second field goal.

The 49ers blow out the Cowboys

Super Bowl

Jaguars beat 49ers

Award Winners

MVP:

1. Trevor Lawrence
2. Justin Herbert
3. Tyreek Hill

Offensive Player of the Year

1. Tyreek Hill
2. Christian McCaffery
3. Puka Nacua

Defensive Player of the Year

1. TJ Watt
2. Miles Garrett
3. Patrick Surtain

Offensive Rookie of the Year

1. Puka Nacua
2. Bijan Robinson
3. Zay Flowers

Defensive Rookie of the Year

1. Emmanuel Forbes
2. Christian Gonzalez
3. Trenton Simpson

Comeback Player of the Year

1. Damar Hamlin
2. Mac Jones
3. Baker Mayfield

Coach of the Year

1. Mike McDaniels
2. Bill Belichick
3. Dan Campbell

1st Team All-Pro

QB: Trevor Lawrence, JAX

RB: Christian McCaffery, SF

WR: Tyreek Hill, MIA

WR: Justin Jefferson, MIN

WR: Chris Olave, NOS

TE: TJ Hockenson, MIN

LT: Trent Williams, SF

LG: Joe Thuney, KC

C: Creed Humphrey, KC

RG: Trey Smith, KC

RT: Lane Johnson, PHI

EDGE: TJ Watt, PIT

EDGE: Myles Garrett, CLE

IOL: Dexter Lawrence II, NYG

IOL: Aaron Donald, LAR

LB: Micah Parsons, DAL

LB: Roquan Smith, BAL

LB: Fred Warner, SF

CB: Patrick Surtain II, DEN

CB: Ahmad “Sauce” Gardner, NYJ

S: Derwin James, LAC

S: Talanoa Hufanga, SF

K: Justin Tucker, BAL

P: Tress Way, WAS

KR: Kene Nwangwu, MIN

PR: Marcus Jones, NWE

Special Teamer: Brenden Schooler, NWE/ Jeremy Reaves, WAS

Long Snapper: Joe Cardona, NWE