Why I Think You Shouldn’t Wear Flip Flops in Public

Some of you are about to be real mad at me, but it must be said.


Pro flip-flip propaganda

As high schoolers, an important part of your first impressions is what your wear. If I am meeting you for the first time and I see that you are wearing flips flops, I might not be able to listen to anything you say. Flip Flops are shoes from The Underworld and I hope you’ll agree with me after reading this article.

Flip flops can hardly be classified as a shoe, much less appropriate footwear to wear outside your house. They consist of a sole, usually made of a cheap material like rubber or plastic, and a toe thong to divide your big toe and the rest of the piggies. Based off of that description alone you can tell that these shoes offer no support at all, you could put a piece of paper under your foot and it would serve basically the same purpose.  Even the more expensive flip flops ( Rainbow or Jack Rogers) are not exceptions to how bad they are for your general foot health. When you wear flip flops, your toes have to work way harder to actually keep the shoe on your foot, which, over time, can give you a gnarly hammertoe.They have also been known to cause long term posture problems, bunions and blisters. And your peers have to look at that.

Even when disregarding the lack of practicality of these shoes, you’re faced with the problem that they’re ridiculously unflattering. They are mass produced in tacky neon colors, and soccer moms pick them up last minute before bringing their children to the church beach party. Feet are gross enough on their own, but by putting on a pair of foot g-strings you’re making everyone uncomfortable. Not to mention, when you put them on they make your feet flatten out and appear larger, and there is essentially no coverage for your dirty little nails. Your feet are also completely exposed to all of the elements, so if someone spills Campbell’s New England Clam Chowder on you at 3:27 in the afternoon, there will be absolutely no hiding it.  When asked his opinion on the amount of toe cleavage flip flops demonstrate, Robby Gourdie (12) says, “I’d like to see the world’s foot content decrease by at least 20%. Feet just don’t help us as a society.” Jordan Thomas (12) also echoes this belief remarking, “ If I wanted to see your feet I’d follow @footuccinealfretoe on Instagram.”

Flip flops also radiate a very specific sinister energy. If you were to try and hold eye contact with a flip flop in public, there is a good chance you would spontaneously combust just from exposure to their sheer power. They are terrifying objects, I don’t trust them and neither should you. If you want your toes to have air please just put on a pair of sandals.