Class of 2019 Senior Predictions

It’s written in the stars.


Senior seniors.

We’ve consulted the oracle.  This is your prophecy.

Normally senior predictions are placed in the yearbook.  However, since the yearbook will regrettably not be including them this year, we took it into our own hands.  After a few Latin chants and star readings, we arrived at this comprehensive list.  We strove our hardest to make these as accurate as possible, and we hope you enjoy:

Audrey Alexander: becomes the queen of Duke University

Liza Allen: goes on the Bachelorette, it then becomes a classy and an upstanding show

Caroline Allston: becomes an NFL cheerleader

Skyler Ayers: overthrows Vermont, starts her own country, makes the currency baked goods

Natalie Aversano: surpasses the FBI’s Most Wanted List, they have to make an Even More Wanted List

Jay Baek: tries to propose, but accidentally eats the engagement ring

Colin Baker: pulls a Forrest Gump and spontaneously runs across the country

Adriana Ballinger: regularly eats croissants outside of a Parisian cafe while wearing a beret

Baxter Barrett: invites the Grateful Dead to a party at Baxter’s

Eliza Basel: work gets put in the Metropolitan Museum of Art

Razeen Basunia: defies all known laws of physics, somehow creates a black hole in his garage

Eli Beall: accidentally surfs to Europe, gets there, and calls Queen Elizabeth “bro”

Helen Beischel: adopts all the stray dogs in the Northern Hemisphere

Mason Bishop: models for LL Bean

Abby Bonner: wins an Oscar but can’t make it through her acceptance speech because she’s crying too hard

Malia Borg: finds an elixir that grants immortality, spills it

Kevin Boyd: creates a vaccine for every disease known to mankind

Andrew Boyles: rides into the sunset on a tractor

Bryan Bracy: escapes from a tornado in a Jeep that’s powered completely by Seasons of Japan white sauce

Gia Braddock: makes the Forbes 30 Under 30 list

Rion Brown: becomes a NY Times Bestselling Author of self-help books

Ashley Bryan: writes the greatest pick-up line of all time

Max Cabrera: owns a designer line of high-fashion capes

Adriana Carter: wins the Pulitzer Prize for Literature

Hayley Cash: owns a Stradivarius violin

Qian Chang: starts his own guitar brand after accumulating a Baskin Robbins fortune

Beauregard Cochran: gets recognized as a debutante just for his name

Sera Cole: spikes a volleyball into the Sun

Alanah Colestock: adopts every orphan in the world, puts Angelina Jolie to shame

Riane Coman: wins the World Cup singlehandedly

John Conley: becomes an archaeologist in Europe and discovers an ancient civilization 

Tommy Crookes: hides the Hope Diamond inside his beanie, gets away with it

Josh Cumins: owns the largest collection of Rolexes known to mankind

Beau Dosher: takes Sauce Hoss international

Caroline Mackay Drolet: does a backflip over the entirety of the Atlantic Ocean

Elly Durante: gets mistaken for Megan Fox, is cast in the new Transformers

Andrea Edwards: finds the cure for cancer, is so nice she lets someone else take credit

Mary Helen Elliott: moves to Scotland and masters the bagpipes

Sophie Estoppey: becomes Secretary-General of the United Nations

Addie Ethredge: is the go-to celebrity for high fashion

Madison Facello: becomes a Russian ballerina

Emma Louise Farmer: becomes a Shark Tank entrepreneur

Grace Fellows: throws  a yearly temper tantrum when the Patriots don’t win the Super Bowl

Ethan Fewell: wins the World Series but puts diesel in his car on the way home

Jessica Forney: accidentally becomes professional cheerleader, never stops hating it

Luke Freudenheim: throws a basketball from the US and successfully makes it in the basket in Australia

Gage Gailbreath: owns a bunker in New Zealand, from which he hacks into the mainframe

Hannah Garcia: singlehandedly ends the stigma surrounding Pit Bulls; Pit Bull makes a song about her

Ben Garner: becomes highest-paid spikeball athlete

Julian Gatch: is discovered to have been an undercover CIA agent this whole time

Meredith Gee: graduates first in her class for nursing

Alec Goldberg: becomes the man

Sydney Graves: travels the globe, becomes the most cultured person on the planet

Jourdan Gruber: genetically modifies a Capri Sun to make it contain all daily nutrients

Zinnia Harris: owns a wildly successful nail salon

Graysen Hasty: Beyoncé becomes her backup dancer

Stephen Hilton: takes Magnet’s Academic Team international, more people watch its championship than the Superbowl

Stephen Holderness: hits a baseball so far into outer space it obliterates the Moon

Sarah Hudock: runs the ACLU, eliminates injustice

Graham Inabnett: starts a cult

Shabih Jafri: wins the Presidential election wearing a Spiderman costume, giggles

Paul Jiang: becomes the world’s most in-demand fashion model without realizing it

Lyle Johnson: Ed Sheeran becomes a tribute act for him

Miles Jones: climbs Mt. Everest and skis back down

Anthony Joyce: grows so tall he enters the stratosphere

Abby Keating: starts her own Ivy League university

Daniel Killough: becomes the CEO of Discord

Andre Koka: develops artificial intelligence that passes the Turing Test, accidentally destroys the human race

Lilly Ku: wins an Olympic gold medal in every sport

Kate Kuisel: marries Elon Musk in a Tesla

Lindsay Lankau: buys her own Caribbean island

Sully Lant: becomes the manager for a death metal band

Sam Leach: resurrects Seabiscuit, proceeds to win the Kentucky Derby

Parker LeClerc: Michael Phelps asks him to teach him swimming lessons

JC Lesesne: body checks Floyd Mayweather

Sallie Limehouse: goes on Web MD, diagnoses herself with every disease known to mankind

Jared Lipton: takes over California, the only people allowed inside the state are him and Cardi B

Christopher Littlejohn: gets the first documented 37 on the ACT

Ivy Lu: is the best dressed person known to mankind

Sam Maher: definitively proves that birds are, in fact, not real

Rachel Maile: quits her 4 jobs, crashes the US economy

Will Marshall: sees dog running across street, chases it until he gets lost

Luke Matthews: flies the same path as Amelia Earhart, finds her

Hallie McClain: makes the cover of Vogue

Aubry McConnell: tames a Great White Shark, keeps it as a pet

Connor McPherson: fights Conor McGregor for spelling his name with only one “n”

Carrie Metts: is commissioned to repaint over Michelangelo’s paintings on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel

Chase Mitchum: becomes a food critic, Gordon Ramsay asks him for his autograph

Gabby Mochizuki: owns a nonprofit and solves world hunger

Zach Moody: swims to the bottom of the Mariana Trench and back up in one breath

Grace Moorman: becomes the 5th member of Bastille

Elizabeth Moseley: walks through a hurricane to bring her friends a homecooked meal

Walton Moseley: gets cast in the live-action version of Ratatouille

Devin Narula: is the king of Wall Street

Nathan Nguyen: incites communist revolution, but then sleeps through it

Aly Nida: breaks the space-time continuum

Matthew Nofsinger: plays tennis against Serena Williams, almost wins

Sarah Norman: saves all the sea turtles

Hannah O: is the number one listened to artist on Spotify

Janie O’Shea: laughs so loud it causes a 9.5 magnitude earthquake

Dylan Odell: owns a Fortune 500 company

Vinod Pandey: takes a wrong turn to school, somehow ends up in Ukraine

John Paradise: copyright strikes Coldplay for their song “Paradise”

Mateo Pavic: is hired by the CIA to access the deep web and solve high-profile crimes

Stuart Philp: wins an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony, becomes world’s youngest EGOT winner

Trap Puckette: becomes President, but makes a law that everybody named Paul has to change their name to Trap

Anne Claire Purcell: pawns off all her sneakers, has enough money to buy the Amazon franchise

Chloe Putnam: becomes a KPOP phenomenon

Dillon Ranwala: owns the entire Gucci franchise

Jackson Ray: singlehandedly resurrects Atlanta Bread Company in the Charleston area

Annie Riesberg: surpasses Babe Ruth, but in softball

Bella Rocco: becomes the ultimate lax bro

Sarah Romagnuolo: perfects every dance from Just Dance

Steven Schlosser: is discovered to actually be a Greek God

Emma Sherman: becomes president of Clemson University

Aileen Shi: starts the Garfield comics back up

Sidney Simpson: gets a Guinness World Record for most school absences

Jake Smalley: everyone thinks he’s deaf, actually can’t hear anyone because he has AirPods in

Rachel Smith: performs acclaimed concerts in which she plays the piano upside-down

Samantha Smith: has her own E! reality show

Kirkland Smith: yells “fire” in a crowded movie theater, enjoys the chaos

Morgan Southworth: establishes Hawaii as its own country, it becomes a world superpower within months

James Staubes: hacks into the Pentagon just for fun

Rachael Stokes: draws something so accurate everything thinks it’s a photograph

Tori Streetman: takes over for César Milan and becomes the the first female dog whisperer

Rifah Tasnia: is discovered to have been the star of a hidden-camera TV show for years

Anna Tortorici: throws a frisbee so fast it breaks the sound barrier

Maria Traver: cuts somebody just by looking at them with her precise eyeliner wings

Ryan Troy: circumnavigates the world by swimming, puts Ferdinand Magellan to shame

Ean Tucker: steals your man

Acacia Van Kirk: owns an acacia tree orchard

Greta Waits: subsists entirely on guacamole for the rest of her life

William Wendt: goes on Jeopardy, has a 15-year winning streak

Zach Wallace Wright: writes a political commentary column for the NY Times

Rachel Walmet: goes to NYC, accidentally joins a soul cycle cult

Bohan Wang: accesses a wormhole to an alternate universe

Pauline Wang: collects all the Infinity Stones, defeats Thanos

Victoria Waterfield: has the sickest tats

Max Windom: perfects the route over the Don Holt, eliminates traffic forever

Mary Grace Wolf: becomes America’s Next Top Model, didn’t even audition

Savannah Wray: creates the perfect acai bowl and has a shrine built in her honor at Beech

Angela Yang: wins a Nobel Prize in every category

Cannon Yarborough: starts his own E-Sports team

Lauren Yates: gets a degree in every medical field

Jonathan Ye: is the successful owner of an internationally-acclaimed meme account

Caroline Young: wins Miss Congeniality ten years in a row consecutively

Esther Yu: her last words are Moana lyrics

Forrest Zach: creates his own computer console, it only takes him 5 minutes

Yuna Zhao: controls electricity with her mind

Andrew Zimlich: goes on a walk, accidentally ends up in Area 51, is never seen again

Greg Zynoyko: sleeps through the AP Calc exam but still gets a 5