Every boys’ bathroom at Academic Magnet is unique. They differ in practicality, aesthetic, and comfort. However, one will always be the best. I have done extensive research on each bathroom, analyzed their pros and cons, and have determined how they compare to each other. Here is a ranking of each boys’ bathroom in buildings 5, 7, and 8.

[5] Cafeteria

Without question, the shared boys’ bathroom between AMHS and SOA is the worst bathroom us Magnet kids have access to. The bathroom is the largest of the bunch with more stalls and urinals than any other boys’ bathroom on this list, at four each. Interestingly, however, there are only two soap dispensers in comparison to the upstairs’ and downstairs’ three and four, respectively.

There is a convenient open trash bin in the corner, allowing easy access to disposal without the burden of the stiff hinges present on many of the trash bins in other bathrooms. The greatest part of the bathroom is the fact that three of the four sinks have faucets which you can press once to pour a steady stream of water for a few seconds, as opposed to the faucets which only pour water as long as they are held, forcing one to wash one hand at a time. Last year, one of the stalls had “MF DOOM” artistically doodled on one of the walls, paying tribute to a legendary rapper and producer. However, since then it has been scrubbed off.

The upsides of the bathroom do not make up for its faults, however. The bathroom realistically attracts the more use than any other boys’ bathroom during lunch and therefore is much more dirty than any other. The standard stalls also feel slightly more cramped than the others on campus. In the bathroom in the past, I have experienced an incredible lack of decorum. The bathroom is much more susceptible to immaturity and loudness within its walls, making its overall experience worse. I have even experienced roughhousing and an underclassman girl brazenly entering the room during the unrest. Overall, the bathroom has established itself to me as being the worst boys’ bathroom at Academic Magnet. One can only imagine its horrors during SOA’s lunch.

[4] Upstairs

The upstairs houses the quintessential Academic Magnet boys’ bathroom. The first thing one notices when entering the room is its extremely stiff and hard to push door, almost serving as a warning not to proceed. The bathroom, like the downstairs bathroom, has two stalls and four urinals. The accessible stall has its coat hook hanging by a single screw, while the standard stall has had its coat hook ripped off completely, forcing one to suboptimally hang a jacket on the top of the stall door. In the accessible stall, “7778” is written on its toilet paper dispenser and in the standard stall’s dispenser is scratched an illegible group of letters. Their meanings are yet to be deciphered.

While not having as many as the cafeteria bathroom, the upstairs bathroom has one sustained pour sink. An iconic symbol found in the bathroom are the two stickers on the hand dryers depicting an alien behind a prohibition sign, which have been at Academic Magnet since before my freshman year. Before leaving the bathroom, one may notice a bizarre corridor with a sink and a mirror at the end of it. This corridor I did not even notice until the third quarter of my freshman year, but afterwards could never unsee. The sink has no soap dispenser associated with it, virtually removing its practicality. The only times I have seen anyone in the corridor are when boys have washed their face or fixed their hair in it. The bathroom has its quirks, but it is overall suboptimal in many regards.

[3] Gallery Hall

A change of scenery is always nice, and the gallery hall boys’ bathroom solidifies itself as the most unique in the school. It features a large mirror and a stone countertop with three sinks on it, establishing a much fancier atmosphere. At first glance, it appears to have only two soap dispensers. However, it in fact has five: two traditional wall soap dispensers and three built into the sinks. Conveniently, one of the sinks has a sustained pour faucet. Slightly distracting from the quality sinks is a small plastic drawer above them, but it is a reasonable location for it as it being on the floor would be worse. While the bathroom has two hand dryers as is standard, it also has a paper towel dispenser, which is great for people who prefer them for hand drying.

The gallery hall boys’ bathroom would be a serious contender for the best in the school if it weren’t for one major flaw: its accessible stall toilet is of very poor quality. While often clean, its seat has been scratched heavily, giving it a yellowed appearance and a distinct roughness that feels like sandpaper when sat on. Since there are only three urinals and one other stall, the bathroom’s overall quality is decreased severely due to the compromised toilet.

[2] Downstairs

The downstairs boys’ bathroom is identical to its upstairs counterpart in layout. However, it differs in some key ways that overall make it superior. Like the upstairs boys’ bathroom, its accessible stall has no hook, and noticeably in the same stall the toilet paper dispenser is barely hanging onto the wall it is attached to. Other than the minor flaws found in the accessible stall, everything else is in order in the bathroom. It is easy to miss the single sustained pour sink that the upstairs boys’ bathroom possesses, but the bathroom’s soap dispenser in the corridor, tight hook in the standard stall, and overall cleanliness makes up for the loss. The downstairs boys’ bathroom solidifies itself as the best boys’ bathroom in building 7.

[1] Library

The best boys’ bathroom at Academic Magnet is unquestionably the library’s. It is a bold contender, considering its small size, but its relative lack of use and cleanliness more than make up for the limitation. The library boys’ bathroom is truly a gentleman’s bathroom. Immediately noticeable is its atmosphere: unique and distinguished. It sports gray walls with a light brown accent, as well as a stall with a wood-like color and pattern. The room only has one stall, one urinal, and two sinks, but they are the absolute cleanest found at Academic Magnet, making them a pleasure to use in comparison to most others found at the school. Its stall even has its coat hook intact.

Its small open trash bin is both subtle and functional, eliminating the cumbersomeness of its larger counterpart found in building 7’s bathrooms. One of its overhead lights is out, but the dimmer light focused on the sink provides a sense of tranquility and luxury completely absent from any other bathroom in the school. A unique feature of the library’s boys’ bathroom is an electrical outlet with two sockets, both grounded.

The only fault found in the bathroom itself is the presence of only a single soap dispenser, shared between the two sinks. One hiccup having to do with the bathroom is its placement: to the left of the girls’ bathroom. This would not be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that the gallery hall boys’ bathroom is to the right of the girls’ bathroom. Due to the similar layout of the doors, the first time I tried to use the library boys’ bathroom, I almost walked into the girls’ and committed a CCSD level 3 criminal offense. However, the atmosphere and cleanliness of the bathroom makes it without a doubt the best boys’ bathroom at Academic Magnet.

As a bonus, here are some… interesting photographs taken in the boys’ bathrooms.

Gallery • 8 Photos

Coltrane Margosian

Upstairs, 16 April 2021

If there are any rankings that you disagree with, your opinion would be greatly appreciated in the comments. Stay hygienic, raptors.