THE TALON

Senior Spotlight: Jessica Forney

Jessica Forney is a true mystery to us all, but what is she hiding?

Jessica+Forney+with+fellow+leadership+team+member%2C+Sarah+Romagnuolo%2C+at+the+senior+wall+during+spirit+week.
Jessica Forney with fellow leadership team member, Sarah Romagnuolo, at the senior wall during spirit week.

Jessica Forney with fellow leadership team member, Sarah Romagnuolo, at the senior wall during spirit week.

Jessica Forney with fellow leadership team member, Sarah Romagnuolo, at the senior wall during spirit week.

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Jessica Ainsley Forney –  an enigma among the senior class. She is much like her fellow Virgo Beyonce, only much less talented. You may have seen her in the hallway, had classes with her, worked with her on assignments, or even have considered yourself her acquaintance or friend. You also may know her as Sparkles the Elf who worked at the James Island County Park during the Festival of Lights. But do you know the REAL Jessica?  This Senior Spotlight serves to expose Jessica Forney for who she really is. An unfiltered look at the girl beyond the knee brace.

I set out to interview Jessica in order to find out her unadulterated thoughts on Magnet, other students, and find out what makes her tick.

Describe your time at magnet so far in 5 words or less:

“Leadership team, scrunchies, Ms. Desbrow”

How’s senior year so far?

“So GOOD.”

Why?

“No particular reason.”

Briefly describe the tradition of “Girls Night Out”:

“This holy event was started by myself and Graham Inabnett as a way to celebrate the iconic bop ‘Girls Night Out’ by Charli XCX. First, you pregame all week by listening to ‘Girls Night Out’ ONLY. And THEN when you’re ready for your girls night the plan is, in the wise words of the one and only Lady Gaga, ‘bus *clap*, plane *clap*, bus *clap*, club *clap*, another club *clap*, another club *clap*, another club *clap*, NO SLEEP *clap*, bus *clap*, plane *clap*, next place *clap*, and repeat’”.

Are any boys involved?

“NO BOYS, NO BOYS!” (Of course as one of the founding fathers of Girls Night, I’m exempt from this rule.)

How long have you been doing cheer and what’s been your favorite part?

“I’ve been cheering for 4 years and I loved getting closer to all the girlies, especially Sarah Romagnuolo and Rosie Booker. I also love the responsibility of the leadership team (recently endorsed by Beyonce).”

Describe some highlights of your time at Magnet:

“Definitely having everyone write newspaper articles about me. I also once got a 100 on an anatomy quiz so that’s fun. And how could I forget Bagel Day in Mr. Stackhouse’s class.”

Describe a low point:

“Freshmen year I got a 4 on the first Spanish quiz and cried and then they wouldn’t let me switch out of Spanish 2.”

Best class you’ve taken?

Spanish with Señora Colón and Señora Shields.

Why did you enjoy those classes so much?

“Señora Colón and Señora Shields are my queens. Mis reinas, if you prefer.”

Where are you planning on attending college?

“Anywhere that will take me in like a stray puppy.”

What are you planning to do in the future as a career?

“My physical therapist told me to have a career as a nurse anesthetist because they make a lot of money, and I live by his word.”

Any tea to be spilled?

“Off the record?” (She then proceeded to spill PIPING hot tea about a certain senior on a team at Magnet who has hair and a nose, as well as two eyes, and drives a car.)

“I’m not saying it’s about who you might think it is but… if the shoe fits.”

What’s your thesis about?

“I don’t want to talk about thesis. Major turn off: when somebody asks me about thesis.”

What was it like living with an exchange student from Spain for a year?

“Good. More tea, the dress Will Marshall wore yesterday (movies vs. TV day of spirit week) was the same dress Carla (the exchange student) wore to prom. I compared the two and he definitely wore it better.”

Who wore it better?

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What was your favorite part?

“When I got to tell her all these made up words and she believed me.”

What was a hard part?

“When she found out the words were fake and she got really mad. She didn’t talk to me for like a week. One time I told her a ‘morse’ was a seal and when we went to Mexico, she started screaming ‘Morse!’ anytime she saw a seal and everyone was really confused.”

What’s your senior quote?

“P.S. dang flabbit, where’s that rabbit??”- Billy Ray Cyrus

What does Billy Ray mean to you?

“Billy Ray has been there for me as long as I can remember. From Hannah Montana, to “Achy Breaky Heart”, to spanglish “Achy Breaky Heart”, and now with his golden tweets and instagram posts.”

What’s on your Spotify playlists?

“Oh I’m so glad you asked. It consists solely of Charli XCX’s ‘Girls Night Out’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. That’s it.”

What are some essential things for a car trip?

“You have to have an AUX cord, you have to have Spotify premium, you have to have Charli XCX, you have to have your girls. Gather ALL your girls before you leave, this is the MOST important step.”

Favorite Vine?

“I don’t know. I stick to vine compilations that last about 30 minutes to really numb my brain.”

How did you get the name Ms. Thiccums?

“One day at cheer I was wearing a skirt and apparently it made me look pretty thiccums. And then Sarah Romagnuolo started calling me that and sharing a picture around and commented on my instagram post calling me Ms. Thiccums. My cheer coach saw it later and asked me about it at the next practice so I proceeded to evacuate from the situation.”

The “Ms. Thiccums” picture shared by Sarah.

*Contrary to popular belief, this is, in fact, NOT edited!

A snail travels with velocity

v(t) = 2 + 0.5sin t feet per second, where t is given in seconds. To the nearest foot, how far does the snail travel from time seconds to time t = 2π seconds?

“Now that I’ve solved the problem in my head, I’ve determined that the snail travels at the speed of piping hot, spilling all the tea.”

I’ve determined that the snail travels at the speed of piping hot, spilling all the tea.”

— Jessica Forney

Several people walked by throughout the interview process. Here are some of their comments about Jessica:

Stuart Philp: “In 10th grade I thought she was really mean and didn’t care about anyone. I saw her ex-boyfriend hanging out in a Publix parking lot so I assumed she was the type of person to just hang out in a Publix parking lot. But I got to know her in 11th grade and I realized she’s really nice and not that type of person at all.”

Janie O’Shea: “I love Jessica! She’s so sweet and she’s the best cheerleader Magnet has ever had. Her knee brace made me think she’s even more talented.”

Rachel Maile: “One time in 9th grade I went to a sleepover that Jessica Forney was at. She danced to just Dance while I watched in the corner, horrified.”

Kate Kuisel: “She sits next to me in gov and never says anything. I’m not sure if she’s real or working for the government.”

I’m not sure if she’s real or working for the government.”

— Kate Kuisel

Anne Claire Purcell: “She’s like Radio Rebel. Who is she?”

Grace Fellows: “Jessica Forney was in my freshmen bio class and we survived together. And now we’re making it through AP bio together.”

Rachel Walmet: “She has knee problems. I have knee problems. Respect.”

Abby Bonner: “Jessica… where to begin?”

Sarah Romagnuolo: “OMG she sucks!” She then proceeded to cackle as she skipped down the hallway singing “Jess, my girl. She makes me want to hurl!”

Rachael Stokes: “Jessica Forney doesn’t feel pain… she’s iconic.”

Hopefully you know have a greater understanding of the inner workings of one of Magnet’s most mysterious students.

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