THE TALON

An Academic Magnet Exit Survey: Not That Kind (You won’t believe what happens next!!?) [Your doctor doesn’t want you to know about this!!?]

We made it our goal to find out the truth. The whole truth. And nothing butt the truth. Which of the school’s exits is most beloved among magnet students and teachers alike?

Student%27s+enjoy+filling+out+the+awesome+Exit+Survey+made+by+cool+guys%2C+Thomas+and+Will%21
Student's enjoy filling out the awesome Exit Survey made by cool guys, Thomas and Will!

Student's enjoy filling out the awesome Exit Survey made by cool guys, Thomas and Will!

Student's enjoy filling out the awesome Exit Survey made by cool guys, Thomas and Will!

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We are less than a month away from the end of an era in Academic Magnet history. The class of 2018, regarded as one of the best in school, world, and universe history, will graduate this June 1st. Before this historic run comes to an end, we wanted to take the opportunity to hear from the seniors about their time here. After countless collaboration meetings with lobbyists, support groups, and testing different tactics to determine the best way to undoubtedly find the truth to what students have to say about Academic Magnet, we came to the conclusion that an exit survey would get the best, most honest opinions. This exit survey could be utilized by administration for years and years to come and allow for immense growth and help AMHS remain one of the best schools in the entire country.

Okay, so, it’s not exactly your conventional exit survey. While it is very extensive, it’s more of a survey of the actual exits of the Academic Magnet portion of Bonds Wilson Campus. During our studies we became infatuated with the strength of everyone’s polarizing opinions on which exit was the best to use. We made it our goal to find out the truth. The whole truth. And nothing but the truth. Which of the school’s exits is most beloved among magnet students and teachers alike?

Here, in all of its glory and might, it is:

“Exit Surveys”

Rate these doors by your preference when leaving

    1. The main door (Because this is only surveying Magnet students, the main door in this case is the one where Mrs. Colon guards fiercely everyday until exactly 3:30.)
    2. The one by McCormick (This one is pretty self explanatory. Mr. McCormick has a door basically to himself, which is practically off limits to student usage.)
    3. The one in the back of the cafeteria (At the very back of the cafeteria is a very welcoming door, mainly used by the cafeteria workers, or anyone who enjoys breaking free of societal norms. The Divergents.)
    4. The one by the bus loop (While this is more of a gate than a door, the one by the bus loop is essential to those who ride the bus or who enjoy playing or attending sporting events.)
    5. The one by the Rose Marie Myers theater (This door in particular stretches the guidelines we ourselves made. Not only is it not a door(it’s a gate), it also is at the very end of the School of the Arts, therefore not being part of the Magnet campus. It is also locked a lot and only used by people getting picked up in the car line, so this is a big underdog.)
    6. The one in the dumpster (Our personal favorite, if you happen to use the exit at the back of the cafeteria, odds are you’ll stumble upon a large blue trash container or sorts. If you climb inside, you will find one of the best kept secrets at Magnet – an old, 1994 limited edition Rudeinhem classic knob slim fit opening and closing door.)
    7. The one in-between building 7 and 8 like in the little outdoor walkway in the middle (This door is the one in-between building 7 and 8 like in the little outdoor walkway in the middle.)

Thank you for your time. It will arrive in the next 4-6 business days.

What even defines a door? Who are we to play God? Dude, where’s my car?”

— Mr. Corson

Here are the results:

36% – The main door

48% – The one by McCormick

0% – The one in the back of the cafeteria

2% – The one by the bus loop

-2% – The one by the Rose Marie Myers theater

29% – The one in the dumpster

4/15% – The one in-between building 7 and 8 like in the little outdoor walkway in the middle

The results clearly indicate that most people prefer the door by Mr. McCormick’s room. Here are some quotes about why:

“It’s right by my car” – Mrs. Benton

“I like it because Mr. McCormick is cool” – Sanjay Gupta

“I’m just here so I don’t get fined” – Jared Keivit

Here are other quotes, about other doors:

 

“I prefer the back door. You know, the smelly one. Behind the cafeteria in the dumpster I mean” – Chase Michaelsen

“The main door is a little pitchy, dawg” – Randy Jackson

“You’re adorable, but I just don’t know if this competition is for you” – Paula Abdul

“You sound like you’ve been locked in your bedroom for 30 years” – Simon Cowell

“I can’t believe that so much of our universe hasn’t even been explored” – Mrs. Caprese Salad

And there you have it. But let this be a reminder to you: While sometime the path can get misty and hazy, there will always, always be a destination, an exit for you to take. And there will always be another door, ready to be opened. We seniors are preparing to exit, through our door of choice, into the real world. Wish us luck. We love you guys and thank you for…TO KEEP READING, RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION NOW!!!!

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