Background: Recently, 43 monkeys have accidentally been released into the wild of South Carolina, specifically around the area of Yemassee. While most have been captured, 13 still remain unfound. Capturing monkeys can be quite difficult. This is a guide about how to capture these recently escaped monkeys.
Tree method: For this, you will need a net, a forest with a trampoline in it, wood planks that will hold you, sturdy nails, and lots of bananas. First, what you are going to do is place lots of bananas in the center of the trampoline. Then, you are going to get into the tree most over the trampoline and build a platform of wooden planks over, nail the wood into the branches of the tree, and wait with your net on the platform. You may want to bring food and water, as you may be there for a while. Then, when a monkey goes on the trampoline, jump down and capture the monkey. You should be fine to jump as long as you jump straight onto the trampoline and try not to break your legs on the fall.
The Body of Water Method: For this, you will need a friend, an inflatable raft, paddles, some fake moss, strong banana-smelling spray, a stuffed monkey as well as maybe a banana or monkey costume for either you or your friend. First, you will want to inflate the raft until it can float on a river, so it’s basically fully inflated. Then after that, you are going to want to spread the moss out on the raft until it is completely covered so it can look like a floating piece of land the monkeys can jump on. Then spray the raft and moss with lots of banana smelling spray and prepare to put the raft in a nearby creek or stream with the paddles. Then put the banana or the monkey costumes on you and your friend, and get on the raft. This works in a variety of ways. The first is that if you are dressed up as a giant monkey, the monkeys will hopefully think you are a stranded monkey with excess bananas and try to help you get to shore so they can get some of the bananas. The second is for if you are dressed up as a giant banana, the monkey will want to jump on the raft so they would have endless supplies of food since the banana would be the size of a human surrounded by a creek of water as well as another accompanying monkey(the stuffed monkey). Then when a monkey jumps on, grab the monkey and paddle your way back to shore safely.
The integration Method: First, you are going to need a very realistic monkey costume, a very realistic stuffed monkey, some bananas in the pockets of the monkey costume, and slowly increasing pregnancy pillows. First, you need to learn how to swing through trees similar to a monkey, or find a place where the monkeys are living and learn specifically how to swing around that area. Then when you are good enough at swinging, you are going to put on the costume and have the bananas, and become friends with the monkeys. Because of your size of a monkey, you may have to fake a monkey pregnancy, which is where the pregnancy suit and stuffed monkey come in. After that, when they are trying to help you give birth to the monkey, capture them all with a net or a cage. Be careful not to let them try and hurt you though, as you have now fully gained their trust and you would not want to lose that.
Monkey Pawlitics Method: First you are going to want to get lots of monkeys and get them to get to know and meet each other. Once there is a strong bond there, you are going to want to teach them how to expand out, and periodically come back to the meeting place. When you have taught them that, the hiding monkeys should simply come to the meeting place. As these monkeys are not yet used to the new politics your trained monkeys have created, they will come to the meeting place at the scheduled monkey meeting time to complain about the new ruling on their environment. Since these hiding monkeys are not yet used to the outside world, they will look and act differently from your monkeys. Then you simply capture the hiding monkeys with your chosen other method. For bonus points, you can even teach the monkeys to have their meeting place at a trampoline in the woods, and when they meet there for their annual meeting, you use the trampoline method to jump down on top of the monkeys and capture them all in a big net.
While this article may be useful for capturing these hiding monkeys, please only try these methods with the help of trained professionals in the art of monkey capturing. As far as we know, these monkeys could potentially be very dangerous, and we do not know what they are yet capable of. Yet for simple jokes and creative purposes, these ways could be fun to try out as long as you do it safely and do not do it anywhere you are not supposed to go.
