Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor. The Hunger Games, from Suzanne Collins’ award-winning trilogy, is a tournament where 24 tributes from 12 different districts are put into an arena, and the last remaining wins. A Hunger Games with the AMHS faculty would be very entertaining, to say the least, with unpredictable alliances and unforeseen skills put on display. After careful consideration, we have established what district 24 different Academic Magnet faculty members would be in, their skills and weaknesses, and a general prediction of their performance. Ladies and gentlemen, let the Academic Magnet Hunger Games begin!

District 1- Garris and McCormick

Mr. Garris and Mr. McCormick would be from the luxury district, without question. Both of these teachers have high taste and value materialistic goods and a lavish lifestyle. Although from the same district, these tributes would perform vastly differently in the actual game. As Mr. Garris puts it, “I would most likely perish at the Cornucopia after approximately ten seconds.” We appreciate this brutal honesty from Mr. Garris. However, he notes that within his ten seconds, he would “recite a brief Latin eulogy for my own demise” (a classic and expected Mr. Garris answer). This grand departure emphasizes his high class in the luxury district. 

Mr. McCormick, on the other hand, would perform with brutality and fierceness in the games. He is one of the voluntary tributes who spends his entire childhood training for the Hunger Games. As everyone is aware of his ability to mentally torment the freshman, Mr. McCormick could utilize this intimidation in making almost any of his competitors tremble in fear. Mr. McCormick even states that his weapon of choice is a “sharpened femur”. It should also be noted that McCormick teaches a spin class, so his stamina and speed is very well conditioned. The deadly combination of  intimidation and combat skills make him a fierce competitor. In short, we would rather retake freshman year bio than face Mr. McCormick in a 1v1 fight. That should say a lot. 

District 2 – Orr and Akery

Ms. Orr and Ms. Akery would be the tributes from the Masonry District. As a history teacher, Ms. Orr appreciates the art of fabricating in stone, block, or concrete. We predict that Ms. Orr would make it very far in the games. It is important to note that she is an Army Veteran, and is experienced in dangerous and stressful situations (such as teaching three different AP courses every year). She also says that she is not afraid to break moral rules, unlike other competitors. While that moderately questionable statement is up for interpretation, both her militaristic skills and willingness to be unethical make her a dangerous player. 

We think that Ms. Akery would put up a similar performance in the games. Her biggest strengths are her diplomacy and manipulation, she says. Ms. Akery could utilize her kindness by tricking other tributes into performing actions she does not want to do. Along with her tactical manipulation, she chooses to ally with Ms. Etikerentse (who is actually not in the games, but maybe Ms. Akery knows something we don’t? Stay tuned). Akery defends this alliance by mentioning that they “are both libras and are interested in cultures beyond [their] own” (Would once again like to note that we are pretty sure Etikerentse is not in the AMHS Hunger Games).  Although seemingly witty and devious, Ms. Akery also has her weaknesses. She admits that she is “very gullible”. This could be her fatal flaw, as there are many teachers who would exploit her gullibility. Overall, District 2 has a very wide range of where they could place.

District 3- Schmidt and Beuk

In District 3, the Technology District, we have Mr. Schmidt and Ms. Buek. Because both of these teachers teach some form of computer programming, the technology district is a perfect placement. We predict that both tributes will perform well in the Academic Magnet Hunger Games, using their savvy knowledge to invent their way into a possible top 5 finish. 

 Mr. Schmidt says he will “make it pretty far in the competition because of [his] military training and background.” We definitely agree with this statement. Mr. Schmidt will utilize militaristic tactics in the game by setting up a base, applying “low-tech skills” to prepare traps, and dominating in 1v1 combat. This fun little comment seems borderline threatening, as any “low-tech” trap crafted by two programming teachers will likely be a bit more serious than the snare traps or trip wires that other teachers will expect. We would like to warn all other participants to look under their feet (or above their heads?) as they make their way around the arena. 

Ms. Beuk agrees that she will do well in the games, noting that she is “an outdoors woman with great athletic ability”. As a mother of six children, Beuk is sure to have high developed skills in terms of care, alliance making, multitasking, and being fully functional off of 2 hours of sleep. However, these maternal instincts might come back to bite her, as we have learned that many teachers plan to corrupt their alliances later in the games. Her other weaknesses include being  “loud and competitive which makes [her] a target”. Overall, District 3 will make it pretty far; however, Ms. Beuk’s weakness of having a kind and caring heart will likely constrain her from making it to the final days. 

District 4 – Langley and Johnston

Things just got serious. Loyal to their passions, Ms. Langley and Mr. Johnston undoubtedly belong in the Fishing District. Langley says that she “feels most comfortable with the birds and the bees (???) and the flowers and the trees.” This love of animals perfectly places her into the fishing community. When asked about her strategy in the games, she remarks that “Aquaman has always been my favorite superhero too. I would likely hide in water or watershed. Use a long bamboo shoot as my snorkel”. This camflougistic (is this a word?) tactic seems promising in terms of lasting long in the AMHS Hunger Games. 

Although Ms. Langley and Mr. Johnston are in the same district, their tactical approaches and attitudes could not differ more. As a skilled hunter, Johnston hunts duck, tuna, Mahi-mahi, shrimp, and dangerous predators. This ability puts him at a major advantage, as many teachers are not experienced hunters. Although he is physically adept, Johnston’s attitude is cynical. When pitched ideas for alliances, such as Mr. Percy and Dr. Cassidy, Johnston’s eyes glimmered as he looked at us with an intense serenity. “How about I have an alliance with Satan?” Johnston calmly proposed. This antagonistic attitude and tactical approach will either help Johnston avoid manipulative alliances or harm him due to a lack of companionship. While Mr. Johnston seems like a totally chill math teacher / charming guitarist with a passionate love for 70’s music, deep down we all know that he is a reckless assassin with an alliance to the devil. Therefore, District 4 is projected to finish very high. 

District 5 – Desbrow and Flo

It is a no brainer that the two teachers in AMHS’s Physics Department are placed in the Electricity District. The creativity in this district is… frightening. Both Desbrow and Flo seem fully focused on attacking the Hunger Games from a more technical standpoint, strategizing territory and utilizing their equipment in out-of-the-box ways. Both teachers had a similar strategy: capture the Cornucopia. Flo’s first idea was to “make a fifty foot trebuchet and siege the cornucopia,” while Desbrow took on a more combat-focused approach, stating that she would “wear a hot suit and use a weapon that would electrify everything around me without harming myself. I would just chill near water and electrify other people.” This territorial approach will likely take these two physicists far in the games, as the strategy they present is miles ahead of their peers. The fun doesn’t stop there, however. Flo’s secret skill is a blue-belt in Brazilian jiu jitsu, a shocking upperhand on any close combat. Ms. Desbrow and Mr. Flo also mentioned that they would be the district to take down the arena, exposing the capitol. We agree with this statement; they are the Katniss and Peeta of Academic Magnet. Their rebellious spirits and physics knowledge will greatly assist them with their revolution against the capitol, and propel them to a top placement in the Hunger Games. 

District 6 – Hooffstetter and Officer Watson

Ms. Hooffstetter and Officer Watson belong to the Transportation District. Both these tributes show promising qualities which make them fierce competitors. Ms. Hooffstetter, Academic Magnet’s track coach, is bound to erupt from the starting circle directly towards the Cornucopia, scooping up her resources and sprinting far towards the edge of the map. This stamina and athleticism would also serve her well in the games when she needs to run from danger. After interviewing Mr. Johnston, we agreed there will be many situations where running is the only option. Trust us.

While running might not be Officer Watson’s strong suit, he possesses unmatched strength and training. When inquired about his weapon of choice, Watson held up his fists, declaring that “my hands are my weapon”.  He is also very social and friendly, which will help him form alliances in the games. When asked what alliances he would form, Watson was adamant about a partnership with his friend, Mr. Cosgrove. He even strengthens this bond by saying, “if you take one of us, you take both of us.” This demonstrates Officer Watson’s dependability and trust that will surely create a tight friendship between himself and Mr. Cosgrove, and possibly even Ms. Hooffstetter. 

Overall, District 6 offers promising, physically prepared tributes with a determined mindset and a promising strategy. We expect District 6 to finish very well.

District 7 – Stackhouse and Rush

In District 7, the Lumber District, we have Mr. Stackhouse and Mr. Rush. The dynamic duo is bound to combine their knowledge of psychology and history to create a victorious strategy. The two athletes have been placed in the Lumber district due to their likely strategy of carving a Baseball bat and a Hockey stick out of the first tree they find. A fan favorite, District 7 will likely receive a plethora of care packages that will keep them well-fed throughout the games.

It should be noted that Mr. Rush has a treadmill in his classroom. Mr. Stackhouse would be able to navigate through any arena thrown at him, putting his freakish Geoguesser skills to the test. In terms of their advanced psychological knowledge, they will likely be able to strategically negotiate with, and then outwit, every one of their opponents. Rush notes his “quick wit, sarcasm, references to old movies and tv shows,” and of course his famous words of “have you ever heard the expression…?” Would Mr. Rush take on a Billy Beane role and surge to victory with minimal resources? Or will he become a Russell Bufalino, a silent mobster with Mr. Stack as his “Irishman”? Perhaps we are getting too fantastical, but there is no doubt that the movie knowledge will prove to be a useful tool in the games. We would recommend assigning a 25 page guided reading to any perceived threat, as they are sure to break down in tears and surrender on the spot. Mr. Rush plainly stated that he will win, and we (without a doubt) agree that this tight friendship of well-prepared, athletic psychologists will make it very far in the games.

District 8 – Cassidy and Smith

District 8, the Textile District, presents tributes Dr. Cassidy and Ms. Smith. Cassidy stated that we “haven’t seen [her] crazy eye yet,” and threateningly added that she is a “master manipulator.” Ms. Smith said she likes clothes. She also humbly stated that she is “not fast,” and plainly remarked that she would “likely hide and stay hidden because I always avoid conflict.” We (Boris Pekar) would like to refute this statement, as he often seeks to escalate every in-class disagreement he has with Ms. Smith, and indulges in a new conflict with his poor teacher around once a week. He testifies that if Ms. Smith really did always avoid conflict, he would have one less memory of being pulled into the hallway during an EOCA practice to get a brief talking-to for challenging everything Ms. Smith says. Smith continued to add that she “would only win in a mental battle. Hand to hand combat would be bad. I will hide and stay afraid.” Cassidy, on the other hand, was ardent about her ax skills. It should also be mentioned that she is an avid and experienced camper. While her enthusiasm was greatly appreciated, the interview was briefly concluded after she remarked “I could totally beat you,” at which Boris got really scared and scurried out of the room. It should be noted that both teachers rejected the idea of an alliance, and prefer to fend on their own. Overall, the questionable strategy, unwillingness to fight, and reluctance at teaming up will likely lead District 8 to a quick demise.

District 9 – Hurt and Lupo

The Grain District, a producer of brain and other baked goods, welcomes two kind-hearted teachers. While we are sure that Ms. Hurt and Dr. Lupo could bake some remarkable cookies for their classes (please?), the knowledge of grain and lack of an oven in the arena will likely provide no significant advantage over the other districts. We project that Lupo and Hurt will form a tight bond over the grades they give Boris’s essays (high 70’s to low 80’s, for those wondering), creating a strong alliance and perhaps propelling them to a shocking finish. It should be noted that Hurt remarked that she loses her temper pretty quick, and admitted that she “would not last long, ok? I know that.” She also noted that she “would also sacrifice myself for other people,” highlighting the predicted bond between Hurt and Lupo. Overall, District 9’s performance is completely unpredictable, with nothing overly exciting or out of the ordinary to look forward to.

District 10 – Cosgrove and Frazier

Mr. Cosgrove and Ms. Frazier would be in the Livestock District. Both these tributes provided us with many interests, survival tactics, and quotes which greatly contributed to our assessment. Ms. Frazier is a skilled huntress and mentioned that, “most people would probably underestimate [her] because [she’s] small, but that would just make [her] better at hiding from them”. This strategy in the Hunger Games will definitely serve her well. A kind soul, Frazier is often mistaken for a caring math teacher instead of a militaristic weapon. Her strategy goes beyond utilizing her environment, however. Frazier’s analytical skills became apparent when she replied to our email about the AMHS Hunger Games. Frazier replied to only us instead of “reply all”, pointing out the foolishness of the other tributes who let everyone know their strategy (looking at you Ms. Desbrow). Although we think she is not ruthless enough to win the games, Ms. Frazier’s peaceful approach will certainly take her far.

Mr. Cosgrove was a tough tribute to predict. With such a multi-dimensional personality, we expect Cosgrove to either flourish or perish immediately in the games. He is placed in the livestock district because of his passion for animals, and most notably because his grandparents have a farm in Ireland. His experience in farming puts him at an advantage in terms of outdoor survival, animal skills, and a good knowledge of what can and cannot be eaten. In terms of the actual game, Cosgrove’s biggest strength is that he “is the fastest adult in the school. 100%. Can anyone else run a 5 minute mile? Mr. Flo can’t touch me”. This speed definitely puts him at an advantage; however, because he is “ peaceful” and “a mediator”, we predict he lacks the brutality required to take him far in the games. Mr. Cosgrove, the most social and friendly faculty member, will likely end up being a fan favorite as well, receiving a plethora of care packages throughout the games. While we predict him to go far, his ultimate demise will be his kindness. Cosgrove and Frazier share a fatal flaw of avoidance of combat and a lack of a viscous attitude.

The two faculty members from the livestock share a common peacemaking personality, but do not have the savagery and willingness to hunt that often wins the Hunger Games. While this may be seen as a weakness, District 10 is sure to avoid conflict and utilize their surroundings, as well as play a more defensive game. They have both the creativity and physical skills to go far, and will possibly place high.

District 11 – Percy and Bortz

Mr. Percy and Ms. Bortz would be the two tributes from the agriculture district. Although this is one of the worst districts in terms of win rate, these teachers possess compelling attributes which will surely help them in the games. We placed Mr. Percy in the agriculture district because he has his own garden at home, to reduce his carbon footprint. His horticultural knowledge will assist him in growing his own food in the games, allowing himself to take an upper hand on his opponents by having a very nutritious diet, which some of our other hunting-centered competitors will lack. Percy says he would ally with Mr. Johnston, who we think he chose to help him fill every segment of the food pyramid. Will Percy share his produce with the deranged savage that was once Mr. Johnston? Personally, we think not; however, an environmentally aware football fanatic teaming up with a mysterious and secretly cold-hearted guitarist could be game-changing. Along with Mr. Percy’s plan to grow his own food, he labels himself as a “natural born leader,” which we wholeheartedly agree with. It should also be noted that Mr. Johnston called Mr. Percy a wide range of kind words during the interview, likely hinting at the success of Mr. Percy’s alliance proposal. Mr. Percy has a calming demeanor and would definitely lead his district to a high final placement. 

Ms. Bortz, on the other hand, would not remain as collected in a life or death situation. Although this energetic English teacher is well versed in identifying anaphoras and shifts in poetry, she lacks the survival knowledge and experience that would take her far in the hunger games. She even admits that she “would form alliances with everyone” and that she “would be out first.” The absence of strategy and brutality, along with the unconditional  trust hints that she would not make it very far. While knowing every Broadway tune is impressive, it would not save you from the tormenting conditions and competitors of the AMHS Hunger Games. We would recommend teaming up with Mr. Garris and crafting a spectacular performance on top of the Cornucopia for all the other tributes to see (who knows, maybe even a few care packages might come flying down for the spectacular entertainment). Overall, the lack of battle skill and overabundance of theatrical knowledge from Ms. Bortz paired with the questionable alliance choice of Mr. Percy (Johnston, out of all people?) will probably see District 11 out of the competition within the first day or so.

District 12 – Crye and Grayson

Lastly, Mr. Crye and Ms. Grayson are our selected tributes from District 12. In the book, it is the district of the protagonist, so one of these two will very likely be an underdog. It is important to mention that Mr. Crye spent a lot of his youth hunting, and was taught how to gunfight by veterans. Because of this, we are sure Crye will be able to feed himself throughout the games without a problem, hunting anything he desires. His strategy for combat, however, was shocking. He plans to team up with District 5, stating that “[he] and Mr. Flo are pretty tight.”

Ms. Grayson, on the other hand, has a very well thought out plan. She plans to backstab someone who she has made an alliance with, feeding off of them and treasuring their protection until it is necessary to switch up. “What’s gonna help me is my interpersonal skills,” Ms. Grayson states. “I would use that [getting to know people personally] to my advantage,” she strategizes, adding that she would “ask people a lot of questions about themselves to get them talking,” and use the information at her own disposal. She doesn’t stop there. “I’ve studied acting, and so I’m a good liar, and so people don’t necessarily know that about me.” We now know, Ms. Grayson. We now know.  She concludes by admitting that she wouldn’t do any “survivor type stuff,” but believes she could “get the care packages.” We have not heard the care packages explicitly stated as a strategy, yet Ms. Grayson’s outside the box thinking seems promising. “I think I could get a fair number of those,” she concludes, “make myself appealing to the audience.” Overall, District 12 offers two uncorrelated tributes who have a high ceiling and a low floor.

Who will win? It’s up to you! Our next article will be going through the actual events of the AMHS Hunger Games, along with final placement and all of the exciting alliances and plot twists predicted in this article. Before we proceed, we would like to note that we will not be discussing any deaths or relations in terms of violence in the article due to its insensitivity. We have multiple teachers who are Military Veterans, and more whose parents have served in the army. Instead, we will be explaining the teachers’ dynamics, unions, and inventions throughout the game. To say the least, there will be drama, disloyalty, and astonishing revelations. To quote Ms. Orr: “Expect the worst. Hope for the best.” As a grand conclusion to this article, we would like our readers to have the opportunity to vote for which district they believe will win. We will be basing our next article off of your responses, so stay tuned!