On Sunday, February 13, 2022 the 56th iteration of Super Bowl Sunday will take place. This year the venue will be SoFi Stadium in Inglewood California, just outside of Los Angeles. SoFi is the home stadium of the L.A. Chargers as well as the L.A. Rams. The Cincinnati Bengals will play the L.A. Rams this year in arguably one of the most likeable games this year. In this article I’m going to tell you everything you’ll need to know about the game so you can make accurate predictions on the score (if you’re playing Super Bowl Squares). 

First, let’s talk about how both teams got here. The Rams are led by veteran QB Matthew Stafford as well as the NFL’s best wide receiver (WR) Cooper Kupp. Other notable players include WR Odell Beckham Jr. (aka “Poopy OBJ” you’ll have to look this one up for yourself or just ask Gray Willits), defensive tackle Aaron Donald, cornerback Jalen Ramsey, and linebacker Von Miller. The Rams defeated the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC Championship last week in dramatic fashion after the 49ers QB Jimmy Garoppolo literally threw the game away in the final seconds. The Rams ended the regular season 12-5, just barely missing the number one seed in the NFC. After defeating the Cardinals in the wildcard and the Buccaneers in the divisional round, they advanced to the NFC Championship where they would beat the 49ers 20-17 in dramatic fashion. The Rams are the favorite to win this game, with -190 odds,;however, I think the game will be much closer than many others think.

Next, the Bengals, aka the Bingles who Bangle, aka America’s team. Led by second-year QB Joe Burrow, aka Joe Brrrrr, aka Joe Shiesty, aka the man who saved all of America from having to watch Jackson Mahomes twerk at the Super Bowl (again). Other notable players on the Bengals include rookie WR Ja’marr Chase (aka JamJar Chizzy), WR Tee Higgins, WR Tyler Boyd, and running back Joe Mixon (who has the most atrocious touchdown celebrations; really every time he scores, the Bengals should receive an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty). On the defensive side of the ball, they’ve got free safety Jessie Bates and defensive end Trey Hendrickson. Hendrickson has recorded at least 0.5 sacks in 11 straight games; he also set a franchise record with 14 sacks in a single season, so look out for him to pressure Stafford throughout the game. After a 10-7 regular season, the Bengals won the AFC north (solidifying Joe Brrrr as “King of the North”) and got the 4th seed in the playoffs. They would then defeat Las Vegas Raiders (it still amazes me that the Raiders made the playoffs with the utter chaos that took place in their organization [[you’ll need to do your own research on that one]) in the wildcard, and then they would dethrone the first seeded Titans in the divisional round after a game winning field goal from rookie kicker Evan McPherson (aka Evan McFrosty; that boy’s cold). In an overtime thriller Joe Brrrr led the team over Patrick Mahomes (aka Patrick Mafraud) and the Kansas City Chiefs (KC Chokes). In an impressive performance, the Bengals overcame. a 21-3 deficit to win 27-24. Moreover, I would like to take this opportunity to slander the Chiefs.

Thankfully the Bengals defeated the Chiefs; had they not, we might’ve had to watch Jackson Mahomes (P. Mahomes 19 year-old brother) film TikToks on the sidelines again while Brittany Matthews (P. Mahomes’ wife) dumps champagne all over KC fans.

This game is going to be really exciting, but more importantly this game is going to be the cherry on top of one of the most exciting NFL regular and postseasons. I must say, the NFL script writers really outdid themselves this year. It’s incredibly hard to dislike either team at this point. Matthew Stafford struggled for a long time on the Detroit Lions (the Food Lion of the NFL) franchise and it is nice to see him finally get to play at his full potential. On the other hand, Joe Burrow is playing some of the best football of his lifetime. No player has ever won the SEC Championship, the CFP National Championship, the Heisman Trophy, and a Super Bowl. Burrow has the chance to do all four in just 3 years. Additionally, Joe Shiesty is one of the coldest dudes in the NFL. His instagram caption game is just too strong (see Exhibit A). Fun fact, the Bengals actually had the same odds to win the Super Bowl as the New York Jets (125-1), if you had bet $10 on them before the season started, that bet would pay out at $1010 (+1000 odds). 

On the whole, I am very excited for this game, and you should be too. If I had to give a truthful prediction, I would say that the Rams will win by a narrow margin simply because their defense is very good and the Bengals offensive line is mid tier at best (the Titans sacked Joe Burrow nine times in the divisional round). However, I really hope and pray that the Bengals win. I was in Nashville when they played the Titans and I saw tears of joy from hundreds of very drunk Bengals fans. The Bengals are a very deserving franchise and it’s time that they get their first Super Bowl. #WHODEY