Recently, I have visited a couple of colleges. I decided if I were to miss Ms. Hurts class so often while at these visits, at the very least I could do something for the great old Talon newspaper with these experiences gained. I was originally going to rank the impeccable institutions I visited, but that would not have been enough words for the word count I have to reach. Instead, I have decided to categorize these colleges by aligning them with their Academic Magnet employee partner. This really is not entirely thought through so please do not take offense to my decisions.

I will first give descriptions of the colleges chosen, then I will explain/defend my decision of the Academic Magnet staff member pairing.

Ms. Hurt: University of Mississippi (Ole Miss)

First a description of Ole Miss for people who don’t know about random colleges. Ole Miss ranked 7th top ‘party school,’ 19th ‘most beautiful campus’ The University of Mississippi again scored high on the Princeton Review survey of the top 381 colleges as both a nice campus and a party school. It definitely is the most southern of colleges I visited though.

A shocking first choice, I know. How could it be? Ms. Hurt, a blue-leaning English teacher who decorates her room with stuffed animals is chosen for the most traditionally southern university? I will tell you how.

Ms. Hurt perfectly embodies the nature of Oxford’s kookiness. While she might deny it, bar-hopping, day-binging, and good vibes are exactly what she would have been like in college. The mascot is also now the Land-Shark, and anyone who knows Ms. Hurt knows she is practically Magnet’s English department’s Mark Cuban. 

Mr. Cosgrove: University of Colorado – Boulder

Again, a description of the college. It is ranked number 22 of best college campuses in America. 27th top party school in America, and 28 best greek life colleges in America. The campus is literally on a mountain and is not far from a car ride to Denver.

No shock here. This Bernie-loving, working two jobs superstar is perfect for Boulder’s work hard play hard vibe. Mr. Cosgrove balances the job of whatever he does with Ms. Spencer and all those walkie-talkies and the job of being one of the fun staff members to talk to at Academic Magnet. Cosgrove also seems like the type to enjoy hopping in the car and going with a group to go snowboarding or skiing. 

Dr. Altman: Tulane University

Description of school: #2 in party schools of America, #16 for best greek life, and #30 for best professors in America. The campus is in New Orleans and overall very upbeat vibes.

Dr. Altman and Mr. Jent were both competitors for this position due to New Orleans’ french influence and both of their obvious ex-party animal auras. They both also match the fast-paced urban vibe of this school in the city, but Dr. Altman took the win for her ability to speak a mile a minute. Dr. Altman always seems to be one moment away from either performing a jazz number or going out on the town, making her the perfect embodiment of Tulane University. 

Mr. Rush: Clemson University

Assuming this school does not need as much as an explanation, but here are its rankings. #25 for best public universities in the country, #10 for best college athletics, and #25 for best big colleges in America. 

I technically only stayed with people I knew off campus on my most recent visit but I have seen the campus before and been to a couple of football games. Coach Rush’s interest in sports makes him match when it comes down to Clemson’s many football and baseball games available to attend. He also seems like the type to be down to go to a victory celebration after a big game, perfect for the vibe of Clemson. His being a social person also works well for this pairing as Clemson University is one of the bigger schools on this list with over 23,000 students. 

I am visiting the University of Georgia this weekend so am unavailable to completely fill this list with all the pairings, as I want to make sure they are all accurate, but as more words are needed, I am going to say that I assume Mr. Stackhouse will fit the vibe of UGA.

It is known for its great student life and fun sports programs, similar to Clemson, making Stack a great candidate for this role. 

Well, that is all I have for this week’s Talon article. I hope whoever reading found some light-hearted fun in these comparisons, and again I honestly put in an hour overall into this article so it is really not that thought out so I apologize if anyone believes their description inaccurate.

Addendum:  Ms. Hurt REALLY doesn’t like being characterized as The University of Mississippi.