With teachers who all plan on assigning tests on the same day and CCSD board members who force some of us to drive an hour and a half to get to school by 8:30 am, energy drinks are essential at Magnet. Considering Redbull is the best brand of energy drinks I believe a ranking is a must. Despite Ms. Pinckney’s and Mr. Cosgrove’s numerous warnings every morning about how these drinks are bad for my growing body, I believe myself to be a Redbull connoisseur making me the perfect person to rank these drinks. Let’s dive in.

To rank these drinks I set up a point system which is as follows:

Can aesthetic: up to five possible points

Initial taste: up to five possible points

After taste: up to five possible points

10: Orange

If the color of orange wasn’t gross enough, the artificial flavoring of this monstrosity makes it fall into the worst position, scoring 2 out of 15 points (the two points were rewarded for the initial taste as it is not horrible). The after taste is similar to that medicine your mom made you take when you were little when you were sick. Overall, this drink just isn’t the move, 2/15.

9: Watermelon

Okay, just to be transparent with y’all, I just simply not a fan of ANY watermelon artificial flavoring. The coloring of this flavor is cool and aesthetically pleasing so three points were awarded for that category. The initial taste and after taste were both rewarded one point because of sympathy if I’m being honest. Overall score: 5/15.

8: Lime

This one is tied with watermelon in the overall score but ranked higher because it’s not terrible. This flavor is just meh if I’m being honest, don’t think I would ever go out of my way to purchase this flavor but I also wouldn’t refuse to drink it if someone bought it for me. The coloring is alright and the initial taste is whatever. The after taste however got zero points due to the fact this drink is SUGAR-FREE! Obviously, this makes the drink so much worst because of the gross flavoring they use as a substitute for sugar. Overall score: 5/15.

7: Cranberry

This flavor is pretty good but I do not catch myself seeking this one out often, like maybe once a month I’ll get this one (which sounds like often but really not considering I genuinely get a redbull EVERY morning). The bright red coloring is a vibe scoring it a 4/5. The initial taste is pretty good but a little bit sour earning it a 3/5. The after taste is the worst part of this drink, I don’t know if it’s the acid or whatever but it like genuinely hurts my throat and makes it sore after. Overall score: 9/15

6: Coconut

This ranking may be controversial to some but I’m not gonna sit here and conform to what’s expected of me. Coconut Redbull is SO overrated. It’s not bad or anything, it’s actually pretty good but I feel like I see this drink most commonly in the halls of Magnet and get so confused?? There are so many better flavors of Redbull that I feel like people don’t even realize. The aesthetics are nice as it’s just a white can so it fits with everything. The initial taste is pretty good tbh and scores a 4/5, but the after taste is just meh and scores a 2/5. Do better Raptors, branch off from the coconut flavor. Overall score: 10/15

5: Winter Edition

This flavor tied with the coconut flavor but is ranked higher due to the fact it is only tied because the only reason it has the same score is because it only got a 3/5 in the aesthetic category (the least important category). The plum flavoring may seem kinda random and not too appealing but it’s actually surprisingly really good (initial taste is 4/5), definitely not a morning drink just because it is really sweet but if you need a little boost before a night out on the town, this drink is for you. Overall score: 10/15

4: Peach

This flavor. This flavor hits the spot. I am personally not even that big of a fan peach flavored food or drinks but this Redbull is next level. I don’t drink it too frequently probably once a week just because for some reason it’s not very memorable, but when I do…gas. The coloring and aesthetic of the can is where this one loses the most points only scoring 1/5 (the brown and yellow combo is just not appealing). The initial and after taste however both score a 5/5 making the overall score an 11/15.

3: Yellow

Another controversial opinion. Many other Redbull enthusiasts aren’t too big of fans of this flavor but the funny thing is that this isn’t their article, it’s mine. This flavor is SO good, I don’t even know what it’s supposed to taste like in terms of artificial flavoring but it literally just tastes like yellow, straight up yellow. The can itself is a bright yellow, which I like, giving it a score of 3/5. The initial taste is literally perfect as stated before giving it a 5/5. The after taste is a little harsh however losing it a point from a perfect score. Overall score: 12/15

2: Original 

Obviously, as the Coca-Cola slogan says, you can’t beat the real thing, except for the blue flavor that will be discussed later. Regardless, the original Redbull flavor is classic, so good that a feeling of nostalgia comes over me every time I purchase it even though I’ve only been drinking Redbulls in highschool. I also respect how the taste has nothing really that it tastes like, it’s just doing its own thing. The aesthetic is the only thing not getting a perfect score because it has too many colors on it. Overall score: 14/15

1: Blue

I genuinely can not express in to words how much of a blue fan I am. The flavor is just so dang good, never fails to hit the spot. I am not even that dramatic of a person but I can honestly say this I don’t think I’d still be in school if it wasn’t for this drink. The coloring of the can, a sheer blue with pops of metallic silver gives it a 5/5. The initial taste is easily 5/5 no questions. The after taste is just as good as the initial taste which is rare for a Redbull drink. I am being so serious when I say if you haven’t tried this drink yet, get up immediately (I don’t care if you’re in class), get $3.25 , and go to the closest gas station and try it. Overall score: 15/15