Monday evening, we decided to venture into the West Ashley Starbucks and Whole Foods in search of the ideal milk supplement. We were able to find seven of our desired ten milks we wanted to taste and ranked them according to their taste, consistency, and overall experience.

Our rankings:

1. Coconut milk. Its thin, lightweight texture and sweet, coconut-y taste make this supplement a winner. We also found that it activates the salivary glands just enough for a pleasant experience that leaves the tongue craving more.
2. Oat milk. The most difficult decision was whether this milk variety should be at the top or second on the ranks; comparing it to coconut milk is like comparing fruits with vegetables, the beach with the mountains, a pet mouse with a domesticated snake. You can’t. Its refreshing but savory taste is completely different from the sweetness of the coconut milk, and it has a medium thickness that would be perfect for a smoothie. It hits the gag reflex just right.
3. Pea milk. This had to be the most surprising. We were warned by a fellow Whole Foods shopper that the pea milk we were purchasing was “nasty”. We decided not to heed her warning as we proceeded to check out. We tentatively tried the pea milk and were surprised by the milk flavor. It was one of the more thick milks that we tried. It reminded us of eggnog in every way except flavor. We were led to believe that pea milk would be delicious when mixed into coffee.
4. Almond milk. We both personally use almond milk daily as a creamer in our morning coffee. It tasted exactly how it always does: thick and nutty. We noticed that it wasn’t as refreshing as the other milks, and it was a bit dry.

   

5. Flax milk. We went in to trying flax milk with incredibly low expectations so we weren’t too surprised when we found out that it was nothing special. We found that flax milk was incredibly off putting in small sips, but is stomachable in larger quantities. We both tasted a familiar taste when sipping, which we quickly discovered to be the invasive taste of raw flour. Flax milk was absolutely disgusting on its own but has potential when used for other purposes, though limited.
6. Soy milk. Soy milk was fine overall. It was sweeter with a medium thickness that gave the appearance that it was trying to be something it isn’t. This may be unrelated, but with every sip, the fillers in my (Katherine) molars got really painful. This leads me to the assumption that soy milk has metal in it.
7. Cashew milk. Cashew milk tastes how Shem Creek smells. Both of us physically gagged when we tried this. We like cashews, so we assumed that this would be a delicious alternative to milk; however, we were fatally mistaken. DO NOT TRY. Cashew milk is disgusting and gross and yucky.
8. Fairlife milk. Yucky and mean. Didn’t even have to try it.

Special shoutout to Kim, the kind customer service lady. She warmly greeted us without judgment as we approached her counter with three milks in hand and allowed us to to return the $6 monstrosity that is cashew milk, even after we had opened and sipped from it. Her kindness caused us to push our luck by asking if we could also return the equally-expensive flax milk. Not only did she allow us to do this, but she also told us we could go select a carton of her favorite oat milk, Oatly, and give it a try free of charge. Thank you, Kim!