I will be delving into the subconscious of notorious seniors, Jared Lipton and Natalie Aversano, to determine whether or not the public should be worried about their self-professed sociopathic tendencies.

A sociopath is defined as “a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.”  Sociopaths typically demonstrate a lack of empathy, no moral compass, charm, impulsiveness, egoism, and aggression, among other traits.

At first, this study was going to be solely focused on Jared Lipton.  However, Natalie forced herself onto the scene violently and demanded to take part.  Natalie Aversano, upon learning that she will in fact be a subject of my study, cackled evilly and stated “even my mom thinks I’m a sociopath.  I disagree with Jared.  I think he is a fake sociopath.  He is obsessed with me and copying me.”

Disclaimer: Contrary to popular belief, I am not a licensed psychiatrist.  Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Interview with Natalie Aversano and Jared Lipton

What’s the most maniacal thing you’ve ever done?

Natalie: “My first question is, what does ‘maniacal’ mean?  I can’t tell you honest answers because people will think I’m insane.  I’ve done some bad things in my time.  Can I go off the record? [The following information is classified.]”

Jared: “One time I got mad at my brother so I flushed his pet lizard down the toilet.”

How much do you like yourself?

Natalie: “I like to think that I am a god.  If I had to rate myself in terms of people I know, I am far superior.  My talents are too good for this crappy interview.”

Jared: “A whole [hecking] lot.”

Any regrets?

Natalie: “Not a single one.”

Jared: “Doing this interview.”

Have you ever been in love?

Natalie: “With myself, yes.”

Jared: “Only when looking in the mirror.”

Is it ok to manipulate people for personal gain?

Natalie: “Of course.  This is your life you get what you want out of it, other people just hold you back.  I don’t think I’ve ever got something in my life without manipulating at least 10 people.”

Jared: “Absolutely.  There’s no better use for intelligence.”

Do you have delusions or other signs of irrational thinking?

Natalie: “I don’t think so.”

Jared: “My entire world is rational.”

Are you reliable?

Natalie: “I don’t think you should trust or rely on anyone.  Ain’t nobody do it like me.”

Jared: “The only person I trust is Jared Lipton.”

How often do you cry?

Natalie: “Never for someone else.”

Jared: “I don’t cry.”

How easy is it for you to lie?

Natalie: “Literally every second of everyday.”

Jared: “It’s easier than breathing.”

On a scale of 1-10 how aggressive are you?

Natalie: “55.”

Jared: “10 raised to the tenth.”

What’s your favorite threat?

Natalie: “I’m going to rip your spine out and wear it as a scarf.”

Jared: “I’m going to shake my own hands inside of you.”

What’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made?

Natalie: “I don’t make mistakes.”

Jared: “There are none.  I’m perfect.”

Do you consider yourself a sociopath?

*both of them slowly turn their heads toward me*

Natalie: “I feel as though labeling myself as a sociopath is a flaw.  But I have none, so it’s kind of like a trick question.”

Jared: “I’m not at liberty to discuss that answer.”

Natalie Quotes:

“If I ever saw you riding a horse I would kick you off of it.”

*in reference to a sophomore* “I honest to God think I could eat him.”

“Congratulations, you just made my hit list.”

“I tend to do iconic things.”

“I just sent an air strike to your home.”

“I am surrounded by insufferable morons that feed off of my superiority.”

Jared Quotes:

“Call me within 10 minutes or I’m sending the armed forces.”

“I need to practice my spells for Wednesday.”

“Can we meet at a place of crime?”

“You’re going straight to Guantanamo.”

“You wish you could be in x games mode.  I’m always in.”

“Your mind is just a parasite off of my superior mind.”

Observer Comments

Sarah Norman: “One time Jared saw salmon swimming in a river across a road on the news and Jared said he would ‘floor it’.  He has no regard for others, but we’re friends.”

Shabih Jafri: “First off, Jared is a pathological liar.  He is one that if you trust him at one point, he will not hesitate to stab you in the back for his own gain.  Nonetheless, despite his ways he is noble, and a dedicated individual (some would say he even has a Macbeth complex).  Natalie could be an intellect if she tried, but she lacks a drive.  Ohh yea she used to be really good at soccer, she likes to party, and she has a spontaneous personality…Moreover, a perfect friend for me.”

Caroline Young: “If anyone in our grade were to be sociopaths, it would be Natalie and Jared.”

Stuart Philp: “Both Natalie and Jared have mercilessly tormented me throughout high school with little regard for my mental or emotional well-being.  I have left Magnet a more pessimistic and guarded person because of the both of them.  But they are both my friends for some reason.”

Qian Mateo Chang Gallo: “Natalie will jump at the chance to do things when it benefits herself.  And that’s what I love about her.”

Grace Fellows: “I love her (could be in reference to either Natalie or Jared).”

Eli Beall: “The only life Natalie values is that of her dog Kayla (Blangel).”

Kate Kuisel: “My mother repeatedly tells me that Jared is her favorite.  She always talks about how talented and smart he is.  Jared is only friends with me for my mother.  Jared is literally tearing apart my family.”

Conclusion

In my professional opinion, neither of these two individuals are legitimate sociopaths.  I performed the sociopath test on Jared by accompanying him to a showing of “A Star is Born” to see if he would cry – which he did, a lot.  No self-respecting sociopath would crack due to a Lady Gaga movie.  Discerning Natalie’s true colors was a bit more tricky, as she seems genuinely immune to crying and signs of weakness in general.  But I have seen the look in her eyes when she looks at Chick-fil-a, and I know there is room for love in her heart.