I am sure all of you have heard of Ryan Lochte, a thirty-two year old Olympic gold medalist, but now a criminal?  I think we could all see it coming, I mean he started wearing that grill.  As good as it looked, we can all agree that it was time for a new image.  But wait there’s more! Now comes the blonde hair that for some reason he thought was a good idea.  Let’s be honest, it clearly turned green in the Olympic pool. Another good call by Lochte.

After failing miserably in all of his individual events in the Rio Olympics, Lochte decided to drink his sorrows away at a club in the city.  He and three other swimmers were robbed at gunpoint after their taxi was stopped on the way back to Olympic Village.  Wait a second. . .  that doesn’t seem right.  The truth has come out that his first story was not what it was all cracked up to be.  In fact, it was quite the opposite.  Lochte was highly intoxicated and decided to vandalize a gas station and urinate everywhere.  What a great way to represent the United States of America.  It doesn’t stop there.  

Lochte was interviewed by Matt Lauer a few days later to shed some light on the real story.  Lochte admitted that he did not tell the truth and that he wouldn’t be in the situation if he had told the truth.  Wow, what a novel idea to actually tell the truth.  Lochte also stated that his “tantics” were unacceptable and that he did not represent the United States well.  First off, what are “tantics”? Secondly, shouldn’t Lochte know how to act after participating in two previous Olympics?

I’m sure Lochte is very pleased that he lost his four major commercial sponsors, a sum of over one million dollars.  These sponsors were Speedo, Ralph Lauren, Airweave, and Gentle Hair Removal.  I think he needed to remove his hair a long time ago.  In summary, Congrats Ryan Lochte.  You did good.