Poems for May

hi all poems by me

Sometimes when the night is clear and the moment is right, 

The stars might align and present something as simple

As a moon that has spiraled into a different shade

And despite its simplicity, that common change

Is so deeply loved

So entirely held and cherished

By those who see value and purpose in the littlest differences

That the world has to offer

Even if it’s just for one night and one split second of time, 

Those are the moments that you can’t bring yourself to forget

The waves clash and your heart soars

The smallest differences in movements and sounds

There’s something about just how tangible nature is

While the nature of its soul lies so deeply interwoven in our hearts

That emphasizes the impact of its own life on ours.

External forces that can somehow be ignored 

But all still need even just a moment of gentle care

It might feel wrong to connect with something so straightforward

But the message it brings is one that will plant a seed in your mind 

And lie with you for most of forever

amethyst emerald quartz

all said they would lead me to 

balance and compassion and love

i wish i knew if they had or if it was of my own volition

i’d rather rely on my own actions to pull me through

than a simple stone drawn from earth

but i would be lying if i said they didn’t give me hope

or acted as a substitute for guidance

because holding a crystal and filling yourself

with a sense of purpose and energy

makes you want to never let go

The words plunge through the head                                                     

And glisten like crystal colored raindrops 

Skidding off the skull

Through the crevices of the eyes

Washing the world over

Making every vision

Like a stained glass window.

A song so simple 

Encompassing the entire being

Preparing all senses

Filling the nose

With the scent of the wind

And the air in that one moment.

The familiar sounds

Gliding through eardrums

Months beyond the present

Will pull one back to this moment

No matter who they become.

She lost her yellow green lighter today.

First found with someone that now seems so far gone

She’s not sure her heart could recognize them if she tried

In an empty abandoned desolate parking lot

Positioned by a roaring highway and a small apartment building

They had walked directly in the center

Cutting the lot into halves

Stumbling upon a bright speck of yellow

Bending over to pick it up 

Dusting it off and holding it in her hands they walked on

To pause and sit at a few pieces of what one could call trash

Laughing as one paper burned up and

They watched the ashes float away

Dissipating in the air just as her memories of them faded.

Last seen on this fourth of April on a walk through the woods

On the train tracks that crawled across her neighborhood

Walking through leaves and thorns that stung fresh cuts into her legs

Appearing onto the tracks and up to the bridge that sat miles off

She heard the wheels of a bike screech in the distance

Feeling a presence 

She moved from a walk into a run

Holding that lighter in her hands

Moving it to her pocket

Heart beating 

Thoughts emptying her mind

Until she reached the neighborhood clearing

Reaching her hand into her pocket to feel the familiar shape

Of that yellow green lighter

Only to find her fingers grasping at nothingness

Choosing flight over action as the feelings of loss turned to detachment.

it might seem that it is too early in one’s life to regret

with almost two decades of living

one can’t force it all to amount to nothing

but with that same standard who

is to say that it has all amounted to something

maybe i was meant to be someone different 

maybe i was meant to have grown up in a different country

with a family i knew beyond an annual phone call

maybe even a family that was incapable of falling apart

maybe i was meant to be someone unrecognizable

someone who melted into the scenery and was utterly unremarkable

maybe i was meant to be someone that was loved by all

with no knowledge of what a crippling fear might be 

maybe i’m in no place to even discern who or what i am

maybe these are simply the developing stages to who i will become

or maybe it does not matter in the slightest

and maybe it is better to hold the past in your heart and not regret 

who you have grown into

but instead cherish what i hold in my hands at this moment 

waiting to see what will come of it

it brought tears to my eyes

the smell of charcoal burning

from a far off distance

smoke sweeping in through the brambles

on a quiet road in midday

reminding me of other afternoons

spent with a family that was as full

as it would ever be

minds busy but not so disrupted

sitting on the concrete table in the


watching a father grill with that same strong charcoal

with smoke that used to burn my eyes

forcing me to look away.

the smell still burns my eyes

but i can’t look away any longer.

the scent is a reminder of school field trips and memories of friends i’ve come to miss but couldn’t be sure if they feel the same way

laying down on someone’s chest watching the smoke sweep through the clearing

feeling my hand tingle

slowly faltering on the path to numbness

the same way those memories have passed

from sweet to bitter to a peaceful combination

hitting that same numb feeling that seems to cast itself over my mind

making me wonder that if

i never breathed that same stinging smell


i never would have felt anything.