These choices are in no way correlated with the actual responsibilities of the cabinet position. This is purely satirical, pls don’t come for me. 

Secretary of State: Charlie Medlock 

Let’s see how anarchy looks in the US government. Keeps things interesting. 

Secretary of the Treasurer: Elias McCall

A major upgrade for the current Student Body Treasurer. 

Secretary of Defense: Lily O

Me because I’m lowkey defensive tho. 

Attorney General: Conolly Burgess

Only because he’s always arguing with me. 

Secretary of the Interior: Madeline Nguyen 

Maddie’s got an eye for interior design, you should see her room.  

Secretary of Agriculture: Prudence Criscolo 

Prue is the most genuine lover of the environment I’ve ever seen. Can you revive the dead cactus in my room? 

Secretary of Commerce: Christian Nelson 

Did y’all know that this man sells shoes on Instagram? Ok mr. entrepreneur, I see you. 

Secretary of Labor: Simon Hughes

Simon just recently got a job at the restaurant I work at. He’s a working man. 

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Casey Richmond

Pinnacle of health… except for the two lung collapses. Minor inconvenience. 

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Collin Brientnall

King of being at home instead of in class. 

Secretary of Transportation: Adam Rubenstein

Cars are always a topic of conversation with Adam, maybe I’ll ask him to fix the dent in mine. 

Secretary of Energy: Marshall Hodges 

Sometimes a little too energetic.

Secretary of Education: Ishraq Haque 

I trust this man with the education of the nation’s children, frankly I’d probably trust this man with my life. 

Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Charles Olsen

Charles basically already knows everything about the military and will likely attend a service academy, so he can watch over the affairs of veterans in his free time. Ligma

Secretary of Homeland Security: Adam Gatch

Can you bench Kim Jong Un?