A festive holiday candle.
As we celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or Saturnalia if you will (an ancient Roman celebration of the winter solstice – I don’t know your religious beliefs), it is important to take the utmost advantage of this festive time.
Build a snowman. Or a sandman. Any building material you can find in Charleston, as it will most likely be 70 degrees throughout winter break.
Play secret santa with your friends. Or if you don’t have any, select pedestrians off the street.
Go to the Festival of Lights. No holiday season is complete without getting road rage at the person from Ohio driving in front of you at 3 mph in their Honda Pilot at this iconic Lowcountry event.
Give your least favorite relative a jar of pecans. It’s in the holiday spirit.
Bake festive cookies. If you don’t come back to school at least 10 pounds heavier, you’re doing it wrong.
Get a gym membership. It’s in your best interests (refer to above).
Binge that Netflix series you haven’t caught up on yet. I suggest Trailer Park Boys, Jane the Virgin, Shameless, Parks and Recreation, and of course The Office.
Trick someone into giving you a New Year’s Kiss. If you already have one planned out, good for you.
Pretend to have a boyfriend/girlfriend for your grandmother who asks incessantly. Gertrude needs to be pacified.
Watch an ambiguous holiday movie: such as Talladega Nights. This is a movie that everyone can enjoy, from Christians to Muslims to Jews.
Summon a festive demon. Krampus-style.
Listen to an ambiguous holiday song: such as “Back to December” by Taylor Swift. In the words of Graham Inabnett, “it doubles as a festive winter song and a good cry.”
Pop some bottles. Sparkling cider only kiddos.
Cook a holiday meal. Bone apple teeth.
Cry over colleges and listen to Mariah Carey. Once you finish your breakdown, get back up on your feet and continue working on applications. There is still hope.
Deliver treats to your neighbors. Don’t try to poison them as I attempted to do in second grade with holly berries. (Apparently you can’t make jam out of holly berries)
Donate to a local charity. My pocketbook. Or maybe the Salvation Army I guess.
Read R^3’s Christmas Conspiracy article. Stay woke. Only on The Talon. VIP only.
Hang mistletoe on every doorway you encounter. Let the romance ensue.
I wish you all the best of luck on your winter break endeavors.