THE TALON

A Review of Natural Disasters During my High School Career

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Since my freshmen year at Magnet, each fall the Lowcountry has been assailed by a tropical storm, with a bonus snowstorm this past January.

Joaquin (2015)

Not to be confused with Joaquin Phoenix, Hurricane Joaquin wreaked havoc across the Caribbean Islands and Southeast United States.  When the edge of the storm hit Charleston, there was just enough rainfall for College of Charleston students to go wakeboarding in the streets of downtown.  However, the party ended soon when the storm system stalled over the Carolinas, resulting in a torrential downpour.  Hurricane Joaquin ultimately receives a rating of 8.4/10 for being a buzzkill and overstaying his welcome.

Matthew (2016)

As a Category 5, Hurricane Matthew had the potential to be the end of times.  Nonetheless, people did not take this bad boy seriously, most likely because of his unintimidating name.  One Twitter user astutely remarked: “name [it] Hurricane Death Megatron 3000 and I guarantee [peeps] be evacuating like they need to.”  As it turns out, Charlestonians didn’t have much to be worried about as Matthew diminished quickly and arrived in town as a Category 1.  It was the perfect mixture between “eh just a light shower” and “board up the windows right now before we get impaled by a shard of glass flying at 74 mph.”  Locals were able to experience all the advantages of natural disasters, such as days-off from work or school and binge-eating, without any threat of real danger, such as losing internet connection or dying.  Overall, Hurricane Matthew receives a rating of 9/10 (one point was docked for being rude to Haiti).

Irma (2017)

Hurricane Irma, despite a name promising death and destruction, hit Charleston as a mere tropical storm.  She was so anticlimactic that many don’t even remember her visit at all.  As one Magnet senior, Graham Inabnett, commented “Hurricane Irma?  I don’t know her.  That [girl] is irrelevant.”  However, Irma still caused enough flooding (flooding??  In Charleston?!) for me to have to kayak to my mailbox.  Irma receives a 6/10 for trying her best but failing, with students only receiving a couple days off from school.

*BONUS ROUND*

Snowstorm (2018)

Locals were sent into a frenzy when 5 inches of snow unexpectedly blanketed the Lowcountry this past January.  Perhaps the most overwrought ones of all, however, were the Ohio migrants.  After the long journey to the promised land from a surprisingly cold hellhole, this group of people was extremely unimpressed with Mother Nature’s surprise attack on their new place of residence.  My grandma, from Indiana herself, felt extraordinarily swindled by the weather’s tom foolery.  Charlestonians, however, enjoyed the welcome surprise.  At least for the first 20 minutes or so.  The perpetual house arrest grew old quick due to icy roads, as many locals did not have tire chains on hand for some reason.  Overall, this snowstorm receives an 8.9/10 for creativity as opposed to the usual run-of-the-mill hurricane.

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