THE TALON

Long Pants: Hot or Not?

Does Each Side Have a Leg to Stand On?

A Slick Pair of Pleated, Size 34, Dockers Khakis

A Slick Pair of Pleated, Size 34, Dockers Khakis

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The long pant is considered standard attire in the business world, but is it really necessary? The cavemen of the Ice Age never wore long pants, they just had really hairy legs and loincloths. Yet as society developed, long pants became a necessary piece of clothing. The fact that the long pant is considered “normal” wear troubles some who believe that long pants are merely a societal construct. While I am biased towards shorts, I’m here to examine both legs of this hot topic

Those who are openly anti-long pant suggest that the attire takes away many of the wonderful abilities one’s legs are blessed with. Senior Eliot Leadem, a member of the newly established APO LLC, (Anti Pant Organization LLC.) explained to me his arguments against long pants. Leadem informed me that, “Pants inhibit the individual from expressing their true range of motion. Also, they give you really itchy ankles, which is more annoying than the cold you may experience when wearing shorts.”

“Pants inhibit the individual from expressing their true range of motion. Also, they give you really itchy ankles, which is more annoying than the cold you may experience when wearing shorts.””

— Eliot Leadem

His words really resonated with me, as I have many a time experienced really itchy ankles while wearing long pants. Yet, Leadem is considered a radical by many of his peers, who are willing to accept some types of long pants. One moderate, Will Donnellon, told me “I think sweatpants are just as good as shorts, they might even add more comfort as a little blanket around your chilly legs.” After hearing this statement, Ethan Bean, another radical, told Donnellon that he was simply weak willed and that he should quit shaving his legs. Overall, while there is controversy within those of the anti-long pant realm, all parties do agree upon the fact that there is no place for jeans or work pants in society.

The opposing side of the long pant debate argue that shorts are a sign of immaturity and stupidity. The main speaker of this point is Senior Grace Gehlken, a long pants activist known for her work with the Levites, a group who advocate wearing jeans at all times. Gehlken is also known for her most recent protest in which she sat in a glass box outside of the South Carolina State Courthouse completely nude until they made Michael Jackson’s “Billy Jean” the SC state song. In her most recent speech at the Dockers Khaki Rally, Gehlken stated “Pants are more appropriate and professional compared to shorts. They also protect you from the frigid cold during the winter.” Ironically, it was 87 degrees at the rally and everyone was sweating profusely. All jokes aside, long pant advocates have a solid foundation built upon extra leg protection and professional appearance. So far, that has helped them to dominant the dress standards of the world, but times change.

After speaking with both parties, I felt that both sides offered positive aspects that the opposing side could not match. While this could mean that long pants continue to reign supreme in society, there should be more consideration for shorts-wearers in the future.

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