Academic Magnet High School - North Charleston, South Carolina.

THE TALON

Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






After months of anticipation, Hillary Clinton has finally published and released her book What Happened. Eager supporters gathered around bookstores across the country in anticipation of what could be the book of the century. They couldn’t wait to dig into the book, with their only concern being how they would ever be able to find the time to read such a long book with their schedules already so full of protests, rallies, and working with balloon manufacturers to create chicken caricatures with members of the Trump administration replacing the face. Meredith Artley, the highest ranking editor at CNN, said she was impressed with Clinton’s ability to write such a long and thought-provoking novel in such a short amount of time. We asked her for further comment on the new book, but she was in too much of a rush as she was late for her meeting with the news-fabrication team.

Indubitably, when bookstores opened at 8 am people, flooded through the doors, and by 8:14 am the book was officially sold out nationwide. We talked to a young woman towards the back of the line who she said she had originally planned on buying the book online, but even with her Amazon Prime 2-day shipping, she said it would take too long for her to get it.

Once at home and comfortably in their aesthetic eco-chairs made of 100% carbon emissions, they lit scented candles and cracked the spine on the book. Flipping to the first page, they found the book was prefaced with 2020 debate questions that had accidentally ended up at the beginning of the manuscripts. Flipping to the second page, they were surprised to find it completely blank. Angrily flipping through the pages, they found that the first 665 pages were completely blank. It wasn’t until the next page that they finally found content. Centered in the page in Comic Sans font were the words “I lost” (666, What Happened). Underneath that they found a string of Android Emojis that were indiscernible.

Were hoping that Hillary will comment on this outrage and complete waste of paper, but we have not yet been able to reach her. We asked several supporters their opinions, and they all seemed to have come to the consensus that it would not have happened if Trump was not president. One of them said she would not rest until Donald Trump publicly condemned the publishing of books that waste paper. They then commented on how much they hated his hair, and before we could ask them any more questions, they had already begun organizing an anti-Trump parade because of his role in the creation of the astronomically disappointing book.

Next week we will be interviewing Donald Trump about his executive order advocating global warming in hopes of eradicating snowflakes.

**Featured image from https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/live-experience/cps/1024/cpsprodpb/1338D/production/_93733787_aaas.jpg

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Navigate Right
Navigate Left
  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    Raptire Report (Satire)

    KyLie jENneR Pergnat??????

  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    Raptire Report (Satire)

    With James Comey out of the picture, America can finally rest easy.

  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    Raptire Report (Satire)

    Trump Administration rolls back environmental regulations because the White House “prefers warmer temperatures”

  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    News

    Fish With Pointy Teeth

  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    Raptire Report (Satire)

    Black Friday- American Greed

  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    Raptire Report (Satire)

    RG 3 Injuries Every Week

  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    Raptire Report (Satire)

    Hurricane Hermine Knocks Over a Chair

  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    Raptire Report (Satire)

    “Take Me Home, Country Roads” Makes West Virginia Seem Like a Much Better Place Than It Really Is

  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    Raptire Report (Satire)

    Slater Wins Billabong Pro with a Whopping Score of 19.67 Brahs

  • Clinton’s “What Happened” leads to outrage towards Trump

    Raptire Report (Satire)

    Nude Statue of Donald Trump Shows His (Very) Small Hands